Torchwood Drabbles
by Aviv b
Summary: A series of unrelated drabbles featuring all of your favorite TW characters. A variety of genres and characters and ratings G to PG-13 which will be indicated at the beginning of each chapter
1. No Dancing Tonight

**Title: No Dancing Tonight****  
**Written for **tw100**, challenge 180 - Dancing  
Rating: PG  
**Summary: No dancing for Jack and Gwen.**

* * *

Stuck on rift watch. Never much fun, particularly on a Saturday night. But with predictions high for a major incursion within the next twenty-four hours, Jack and Gwen keep vigil while the others go home for a quick rest. Tosh and Owen leave without a fuss. Ianto leaves after Jack orders him to go home.

They are alone now. It's deathly quiet. They look at each other across the Hub and the longing and frustration are written on their faces. As is the inevitable disappointment. No way are they getting home in time for the finals of Strictly Come Dancing.


	2. Dancing to My Tune

**Title: Dancing to My Tune****  
**written for **tw100**, challenge 180 - Dancing  
Rating: PG-13  
**WARNING: Implied non-con (nothing graphic)**

* * *

****The flirtations intensified with each passing week. The smiles, the brush of a shoulder, the unexpected glances were driving him insane. But every time he tried to reciprocate, Ianto would skitter away to the archives.

Then Ianto's secret was discovered. After the shouting, the threats, the recriminations, and the others went home, he grabbed Ianto by the arm, led him up from the basement, over to his office and down into his lair.

He pushed Ianto roughly onto his small bed and pulled off his belt and unzipped his trousers. "Time for you to dance to my tune, Mr. Jones."


	3. Life & Death

**Title: Life & Death****  
**Written for **tw100**, challenge 181 - Contrast  
Rating: PG

* * *

Everything about Ianto Jones spoke of life. His warm shy smile as their fingers brushed with the exchange of a coffee cup. His wicked dry wit that made the team laugh as he handed Tosh a chocolate hobnob. His unrestrained cries of ecstasy as he lay in strong arms, Jack stroking him into oblivion.

Jack's arms hold him tightly now, Ianto's expression serene as tears roll down Jack's face. Gwen's gentle hands adjust his tie; she knows he'd hate to look unkempt. Rhiannon's fingers tear at Jack's coat, her anger and grief unleashed. Everything about Ianto Jones speaks of death.


	4. What's for Dinner Tonight

Title: **What's for Dinner Tonight?**

Written for tw100, challenge 182 - Strange Food

Rating: G

**Summary: There are some things even Jack won't eat**

* * *

"Come on Jack, try it."

"No."

"So you want me to believe that the man who claims he ate Salaxatorian slimy slithers while they were still pulsing won't eat a perfectly normal dinner."

"I did eat them along with the flying monkey wings from Planet Apeworld," Jack said pouting.

"And the pickled megasow ears from planet Piggly Wiggly?" Ianto asked.

"My mouth waters just thinking about them."

"But you won't eat this lovely dinner I prepared just for you."

"Hey, I ate the roast beef, and the potatoes. I may not be President Bush, but I'm not eating that broccoli!"


	5. Countrified

**Title: Countrified****  
**Written for **tw100 ** challenge at Live Journal. Prompt 183 - Title Changes  
Rating: G  
Summary: ******Gwen loves living in the country.**

A/N: This drabble is CoE compliant.  
* zucchini are known as courgettes in the UK

* * *

She looks at her small garden and smiles. The beans and tomatoes are doing well; the courgettes* are growing like crazy. She bounces the baby on her hip and knows she made the right decision.

To hell with Torchwood and the rift and aliens. To fast cars and leather pants and high heels. Rhys was right. After Ianto's death, and the Hub being destroyed, and Jack running away, she was sick and tired of everything.

They left Cardiff and moved out here. And it's perfect.

The phone rings. Rhys picks it up.

"Its for you, someone from the States calling."


	6. Country Fried

**Title: Country Fried****  
**Written for **tw100** challenge at Live Journal. Prompt 183 - Title Changes  
Rating: G  
Summary: **Ianto does not like country cooking.**

******A/N: My apologies in advance for this grotesque little crackfic.****  
**

* * *

"I can't believe you're blaming me," Jack said as they got into the SUV.

"Is it too much to ask that you actually tell me what kind of cuisine they serve before you make reservations?" Ianto said slamming his door shut.

Jack began the drive back to Cardiff.

"I told you we were going to a new restaurant near the Brecon Beacons. I said that they served everything deep fried."

"Yes, but you forgot to mention that when the menu said 'finger food' it was to be taken literally."

"Well the neon sign said "Cannibals Welcome."

Ianto rolled his eyes.


	7. A Crack in the Walls

**Title: A Crack in the Wall****  
**Written for **tw100**, challenge 185 at Live Journal. Prompt- In the Walls  
Rating: G  
Crossover with Dr. Who.  
Summary: **There's a crack in the wall through time and space.****  
****Spoilers: 11th Doctor, entire Series 5 **

* * *

There's a crack in time and in the walls; it grows in Amy Pond's room. It splits her into past and future, child and woman, again and again.

There's a crack in the universe and in the walls; Jack sacrifices his grandson to save the world. It tears his soul to pieces that can't be refitted again.

There's a crack in the walls and in existence; Pandorica opens and the Doctor clones the world anew. Rory lives again.

There's a crack in the walls and time can be reset but not for all. Not for Ianto, Tosh or Owen again.


	8. To Be & Not To Be

**Title: To Be & Not To Be****  
**Written for **tw100**, challenge 186 at Live Journal. Prompt- Arrows  
Rating: G  
Summary: **Ianto & Jack, day 5 CoE. **

******A/N: A drabble based on rewriting Hamlet's soliloquy, Act 3 scene 1 since that's what came to mind when I saw the prompt. ****  
**

* * *

Outrageous are the slings and arrows of fortune. To have survived Canary Wharf and weevils, stoner blowfish and a sea of troubles only to die of an alien fart. He has shuffled off his mortal coil; no more will heartached dreams haunt him.

The man remaining must sweat and grunt for all eternity, must bear the Whips and Scorns of time, must endure the calamity of so long a life. He must bear the dread of never reaching the undiscovered Country. His conscience makes him cowardly, he turns away and runs.

His sins be remembered forever. Aye, there's the rub.


	9. He's Got It

Written for **tw100**, challenge 187 - X Factor  
Rating: G  
Characters: Jack/ Ianto, Team  
Disclaimer: Not mine; Aunty B's and RTD's  
Summary: ** What is it that makes Jack Harkness so special?******

Is it his thousand watt smile? Or perhaps his fifty-first century pheromones? Maybe it's his blue eyes, sparkling and clear when he's happy, darkening with fury when he's not.

Tosh thinks it's the suspenders; old-fashioned but somehow so right when he wears them. Owen laughs and says it's his collection of blue dress shirts. Gwen puzzles over it, but she knows that it's something right in front of her yet beyond her reach.

Only Ianto knows the secret to being Jack Harkness. It's the coat. And he loves the coat almost as much as he loves the man wearing it.


	10. He Wants It

**Title: He Wants It****  
**Written for **tw100**, challenge 187 - X Factor  
Rating: G  
Characters: Ianto/Jack, Team  
Disclaimer: Not mine; Aunty B's and RTD's  
Summary: **What makes Ianto Jones so special?****  
**  
A companion to the previous drabble, **He's Got it.**

* * *

He goes about his routine as graceful as a ballet dancer. A small smile for Tosh as he hands her a coffee. A teasing eye roll for Gwen as she tells a terrible joke. A sharp retort for Owen as he responds to an unkind remark.

It's not just the button nose, the Welsh vowels, or his elegant suit and Windsor knotted tie. Or the way he stays and waits patiently for him to revive. Or loves him as if his very life depends on it.

It's everything he is and does and Jack wants it. He wants it all.


	11. Yellow

Written for **tw100 **on LJ, challenge 188 - Yellow  
Rating: G  
Summary: **Jack runs, he always runs.**

****

**A/N: One of the usages of the word 'yellow' in American slang refers to someone who is cowardly. **

* * *

****

When his planet was attacked, he left at the first opportunity, hitching a ride to the Gamma system. Not because he was afraid; he was only looking for some adventure.

When the Time Agency removed two years of his memories, he broke his contract, fleeing to another galaxy where he wouldn't be found. Not because he panicked; he was just tired of following orders.

When Ianto and Stephen died, he ran, beaming on to a passing spaceship. Not because he couldn't live with the tragedies he created; he was human and deep down a coward, yellow, yellow to the core.


	12. Half Life

Written for **tw100**, at LJ. Open challenge - The prompt was Equinox  
Rating: G  
Summary: **After Jack brings him back from death, Owen is even stranger than he was before.**

******A/N: This is an Open Challenge meaning you can use any prompt from the past for a story - Equinox was a prompt from 2007. **

* * *

He exists halfway between the living and the dead. A zombie.

He can work but can't sleep. Or eat, or shag or even take a piss. But if you play Thriller on Jack's phonograph, he'll moonwalk around the Hub, steps light as air.

His teammates don't seem to notice. Maybe he was already dead when he joined. Maybe he died quietly when Diane left through the rift. Maybe they're half dead themselves.

Only the Weevils feel the change in him. Half in awe, half in fear, they bow to the creature that is halfway between the light and the dark.


	13. I Didn't Mean What I Said

**Title: I Didn't Mean What I Said****  
**Written for **tw100**, Open challenge - Lost in Translation  
Rating: G  
Summary: **What we say and what we mean are often two entirely different things.**

* * *

She asks about him and Jack and he answers, "We dabble."

What he means is "he wants me, I need him."

She asks how it is and he says, "innovative and avant garde."

What he means is "he makes my head spin and I can't think straight."

He asks him on a date and he says, "Yes, but no offices."

What he means is, "it'll be pizza at best, if you ever get around to it."

He says "don't forget me," and he answers "never could."

What he means is, "It's all my fault; your death will haunt me forever."


	14. They're Outta This World

Summary: **Since Jack is officially an American in S4 (at least according to all the press releases) we must embrace all things American. No? Ok, maybe just this one**

Written for **tw100**, Challenge #190 - Moon, Rating: G

* * *

"Oi, there are not people living on the moon," Owen interrupted as Jack's story got more and more outlandish.

"Yes there are, I visited several times including once with the Doctor. There's a highly developed civilization on the moon."

Gwen wasn't sure whether Jack was being serious or having one off on them. "So, tell us about something unique and wonderful that these moon people have invented."

Jack snorted. "Well, they have the best baked goods anywhere in the galaxy."

Seeing the looks on everyone's faces, Jack realized they knew little about American culture. "What? You've never heard of MoonPies?"

* * *

In case you have never seen a MoonPie - they are a large marshmallow filled cookie/cake treat.

And the official slogan of MoonPies: They're Outta This World!


	15. Learning the ABCs

**Summary: ****Ianto is trying to teach the alphabet to Myfanwy.****  
**Written for **tw100**, Challenge on LJ #191 - A is for Avian  
Rating: G

* * *

"A is for Avian." Ianto was teaching Myfanwy the alphabet.

"Just like you, you oversized vulture," Owen yelled up to her nest.

Squawk! "_Vulture not sound like it begins with A."_

"Now other words with A are apple, acorn, avocado, and anchovy," Ianto continued, showing each item to Myfanwy before feeding her the anchovy as a reward for her patience.

"Now can you point at any objects that begin with A?"

Myfanwy pointed her beak toward Owen in the medical bay.

"Good try, but Owen begins with an O not an A."

Squawk! _"Arsehole begins with A, right? I win!"_


	16. B is for Birdbrain

**Summary: ****Ianto is trying to teach the alphabet to Myfanwy. (continues on from prior drabble, 'Learning the ABCs').**

Written for **tw100**, on LJ Challenge #192 - B is for Bumble  
Rating: G

* * *

"B is for bunny." Ianto showed her a picture of a cute little rabbit.

Squawk! "_Tasty_ _Bunny," _Myfanwy thought.

"B is also for basket, blanket, and bear," Ianto continued as he held up the flashcards.

Ianto placed three cards in a row for her to look at. The first had a baby, the second pictured a bee, the third was a bicycle. "Which object has more than one B in it?"

Myfanwy studied the pictures carefully. She poked her beak at the bee.

"Good try, but the correct one is baby."

Squawk! "_Idjit! Bumble bee has three Bs. I win."_


	17. C is for Movie Night

Summary: **Ianto is finding teaching the alphabet to Myfanwy harder than he anticipated. **Written for **tw100 **on LJ, Challenge #193 - C is for Cabaret. Rating: PG-13 for bad words.

**A/N: This continues the Myfanwy Alphabet Series. If the story doesn't make sense, you will need to go back and read the 'Learning the Alphabet' drabble.**

* * *

Jack and Ianto were in the Hub watching a movie.

"So how's teaching Myfanwy going? Jack asked.

"It's frustrating. I explain a letter but when asked to identify something with that letter she'll pick out the oddest things."

'Like what?"

Ianto explained what happened with letters A and B.

"How's C going?"

"Not good, she kept pointing at the video screen."

"She'll figure it out," Jack said as he turned off the movie.

Myfanwy squawked, _"The movie's Cabaret, for fuck sakes."_

"Maybe Myfanwy was pointing at Owen for A because he's an Arsehole."

"You're totally bonkers," Ianto replied.

Squawk! _"Not."_


	18. Sweet & Sour Pteranodon

**Summary: ****Ianto gets it right, Myfanwy has a rare miss. **Written for **tw100**, on LJ Challenge #194 - Dulcify, Rating: G

* * *

"D is for…," Ianto said hopefully.

Squawk! Myfanwy pointed toward the brown rectangle.

"Good girl! Its **dark** chocolate."

Myfanwy preened at the praise.

Ianto placed a briny smelling item near her. Myfanwy looked at it expectantly.

"Go on, you can have it."

She grabbed it and gulped it down.

"Ack ack," she said hacking it up.

"That's a **dill** pickle. Was it too sour?"

With a 'humph' of irritation, Myfanwy flew back to her nest.

"Perhaps if I dulcify it a bit…"

Squawk! _"You can dulcify your skinny arse for all I care. Unless you make sweet, I no eat."_


	19. Dark to Light and Back Again

**Summary: More fun with the alphabet. Jack teaches Myfanwy a new trick. **Written for **tw100** on LJ, Challenge #195 - **Evening**  
Rating: G

* * *

"Look, I've taught Myfanwy a trick," Jack yelled.

Ianto exited the kitchen to see what Jack wanted.

"Myfanwy, what does evening look like?"

Myfanwy waddled over to the light switch and pushed down with her beak. The Hub was plunged into darkness.

"Brilliant," Ianto said unenthusiastically.

"Ok, watch this. "Myfanwy show us morning."

Myfanwy pushed the switch up flooding the Hub with light.

"Completely astonishing."

Later, Tosh was speaking to the team. "If we can just find a way of evening out the rift spikes…"

"Oi, who turned out the lights?"

Jack laughed.

Squawk! _Me!_

Ianto sighed. "Good work, Jack."


	20. Speaking Like Royalty

**Summary: Jack teaches Myfanwy another new trick. Ianto is even less amused. than last time. **Written for **tw100**, Challenge #196 - Firearms  
Rating: PG-13 for BAD words

* * *

"_I'm going to kill him," _Ianto thought as he stormed into Jack's office.

"Jack, how could you!"

"What? What did I do?"

"I can't believe that you taught Myfanwy such rubbish."

"I was showing her old British war movies to help her understand the word 'firearms.'

"Was there anything else you watched with her?"

"We watched the 'King's Speech.' But that's historical and educational and…"

"Well just listen to her now."

They stepped into the open area of the Hub.

"Squawk, squawk, squawk!" (buggity, buggity, fuck, fuck, ass!)

Jack chuckled quietly. "Well you can't say she doesn't know the King's English."


	21. Goddesses & Geniuses

**Summary: More alphabet fun with Myfanwy. Everyone gets it right, for once.**

Written for **tw100 **on LJ, Challenge #197 - Goddess  
Rating: G

* * *

Ianto showed the next picture to Myfanwy.

"Isis was worshiped in ancient Egypt as the goddess of magic and fertility. People made animal sacrifices to her as thanks for her protection."

The following day, Ianto was confronted by an angry Tosh and an even angrier Gwen.

"Myfanwy left dead mice on our workstations. It's disgusting."

"Sorry. She must have misunderstood the concept of goddesses and sacrifices," Ianto replied.

"I think she got it right," Jack said. "After all, goddesses and animal sacrifices, Tosh, Gwen, and dead mice; works for me."

"Myfanwy's a genius!" Tosh and Gwen agreed.

Squawk! _"I am!"_


	22. Breaking the Rules

**Summary: A little change of pace this week. There's a thief in the Hub and Ianto is not amused!**

Written for **tw100** on LJ, Challenge #198 - Honor System  
Rating: G

* * *

Ianto was furious with the team.

"Ok, who took the new box of chocolates from the kitchen and didn't replace it? Fine, no confession, no more **chocolate**, and you're all on **decaf** for a week."

Squawk! _"Me! I did!"_

Having thoroughly chastened them, Ianto headed down to the archives.

"Well, I didn't take it, I bet Gwen did," Owen groused.

"Wanker, I did not," Gwen muttered.

"If I catch who did this…." Jack warned.

Squawk, Squawk! _"Me, ok me! I confess, just buy more chocolate, puleez!"_

"Be Quiet Myfanwy!" Tosh shouted at her nest.

Squawk! _"Nooooo! I need my chocolate!"_


	23. The Importance of Chocolate

******Summary: ****Ianto discovers his mistake from the previous drabble.**

Written for **tw100**, Challenge #199 on LJ- Imp  
Rating: G

* * *

**BOINK!**

"Ow! What the…" Ianto said looking up.

"_An empty Cadbury box…oh…Myfanwy, you imp!"_

Ianto felt ashamed for having put his co-workers on a no chocolate, decaf coffee regime.

Tw Tw Tw

"I've decided you've suffered enough," Ianto said placing a huge box of Hotel Chocolat on the table.

Gwen gasped. "These run almost £85.00."

"Nothing's too good for my teammates."

"Something's not right here," Owen grumbled, as Ianto left the room.

"Shut up and don't eat all the pralines," Tosh countered. Jack just smiled.

Actually, it had cost Ianto twice as much.

Tw Tw Tw

Squawk! _"Yum"_

After all, Myfanwy's silence didn't come cheap.


	24. Shades of Gray

******Summary: **Jack talks, Ianto listens. **Rating: PG,** **Warning for brief mention of suicide**.

Written for **tw100**, Challenge #200 on LJ- **Double Drabble**, **Reverse Fandom: Stargate SG-1, prompt "Shades of Gray."****  
**

* * *

"You know he wasn't always like that," Jack told Ianto.

It was several months since they had lost Tosh and Owen. Gray was safely locked away in a frozen vault.

"When we were kids on Boshane, he was my best friend. Even though he was two years younger than me, I never minded when he tagged along. A tough little scrapper when needs be, but he had the most infectious smile. You could never feel sad when he was around. After he was taken, life was never the same. I felt sad all the time; sometimes the pain was so great I didn't think I could stand it. Once I even thought to end…" Jack's voice trailed off as he came out of his reminiscence.

Ianto just nodded and listened quietly. They'd never discussed Gray after the events of that terrible day. Jack had shut down emotionally and Ianto didn't have the heart to push him for answers.

"I thought I could save him, I thought there was still something left of my best friend, my brother. How could I not realize that his ordeal had changed him forever?"

"I can't imagine," Ianto said without even a trace of irony.


	25. Thou Shalt Not

**Summary: **Ianto has rules, his teammates break them.

Written for **tw100**, Challenge #200 on LJ- **Reverse Fandom: Stargate SG-1, prompt "The First Commandment."****  
****Rating: PG**

* * *

"Thou shalt not touch anything in the archives."

Looking for an alien scalpel, Owen wandered into the archives and picked up a shiny knife sitting on top of a file cabinet. It slipped between his fingers and he cut himself. Owen spent the next two days locked in a containment cell until the werewolf spell wore off. Ianto was furious as he had to feed and clean up Owen's mess during that time.

Gwen took the files on missing children from the archives and placed their pictures on the conference room walls. They began to speak to her in turn. After two hours she discovered that a picture was worth exactly one thousand words. The pictures fluttered to the floor simultaneously when they were all done speaking. It took Ianto hours to file them back away. He was not amused.

Jack would sneak down into the archives and corner Ianto. He would push Ianto against a cabinet and they would make out like school kids, sometimes ending up on Ianto's desk, knocking the piles of folders off, their contents flying everywhere. And though Jack never stayed to help straighten up, Ianto never complained. Jack was above the law, even Ianto's.


	26. Fruitful Thinking

**Summary: **Even pteranodons need potassium in their diets.

Written for **tw100**, **Challenge #202 on LJ - K is for potassium****  
****Rating: G**  
A/N: Back with more alphabet fun!

* * *

_**Splatt!**_

"What the…" Owen said looking up. "Ianto, get over here," he yelled in disgust.

Ianto exited the kitchen and almost burst out laughing when he saw Owen standing with hands on his hips and a banana peel on his head.

"Not funny, Tea Boy. Your pet seems to think I'm the rubbish bin."

"She's just trying to let you know that she's complying with your new diet. After all, you did say her potassium levels were too low."

"Lovely. Tell her to stop, will ya."

"Frankly, just be glad she didn't like cantaloupes," Ianto snarked as he walked away.


	27. Making a List Checking it Thrice

******Summary: ****So how smart is Myfanwy really?****  
**Written for **tw100**, **Challenge #203on LJ - L is for lists****  
****Rating: G**

* * *

_Chase sheep. Stop for lunch._

_Clean nest._

_Flirt with Ianto for chocolate._

"I can't believe you gave her paper and a biro," Owen said shaking his head in disgust. "You don't actually think she can write, do you?"

"Does it matter?" Ianto retorted. "She seems to enjoy using them and there's some type of pattern to her markings."

"Oi, you really are daft. You think she's up there writing poetry?"

"Well no, but…"

"You're an idjit," Owen snapped and walked away.

_Doctor Owen is a git_

_On his desk tonight I'll __sit__ flit__ knit__ spit._

Squawk_! (Poetry!)_


	28. It's a Miracle!

******Summary: ****Rhys & Gwen struggle to put life back together after the 456****  
**Written for **tw100**, **Challenge #204 on LJ- M is for miracle****  
****Rating: G**

**A/N: Non-canon look at CoE - the Hub was blown up but everything else you saw didn't happen.**

* * *

They came home late after salvaging alien tech from the ruins of the Hub.

"We could really use some help from your Captain," Rhys complained.

"Stop that. Ianto's just out of intensive care; Jack says he's extremely depressed."

"Not surprising; all that work he put into those archives, down the drain."

Gwen bit her lip. How could she explain that Ianto had lost more than just the archives?

**SQUAWK!**

"What the hell is that?" Rhys cried, gawking at the giant creature in their yard.

"That's Myfanwy, Ianto's pet. It's a miracle!" Gwen said as she began to weep with joy.


	29. Spelling Iz Hard

**Title:** **Spelling Iz Hard****  
**Written for **tw100**, **Challenge #205 on LJ- S is for Stars****  
****Rating: G**  
**Summary: ****Some of the finer points of the English language continue to elude Myfanwy.**

* * *

"Remember, some words aren't spelled the way they sound."

_Squawk! (OK!)_

"Here's an example. Sometimes a final 'z' sound is spelled with an 's'"

_Squawk! (Why?)_

"Don't ask me why, they just are. Take the word B-E-A-R-S or S-H-O-E-S. See?"

_Squawk! (Yes!)._

"Your turn. Spell the word 'stars.'"

Myfanwy arranged the plastic letters in a row.

**S-T-A-R-Z**

"No, remember the S makes a Z sound," Ianto said replacing the Z with an S.

**S-T-A-R-S**

Myfanwy squawked and switched the letters back. **S-T-A-R-Z**

After several more tries, Ianto gave up.

"_Yantoe spellz bad,"_ Myfanwy thought tuning her TV to 'Miracle Day.'


	30. What Next

Written for **tw100**, **Challenge #206 on LJ- NASA****  
****Rating: G**  
**Summary: ****Jacl learns that you tease Ianto at your own peril.**

* * *

"The space shuttle program ends and there's no mission to Mars being planned. How can the 21st century be 'when it all happens?'" Ianto asked.

"The next big thing in space will come from an unexpected source," Jack replied.

"Yeah?"

"Romania," Jack whispered conspiratorially.

"Really?"

"No. Just kidding," Jack and the others laughed in amusement.

Ianto left early, telling Jack he had a special surprise for him later. Jack arrived home to find an empty flat and a note on the kitchen table.

"_Surprise! Out drinking with Rhys. Don't wait up."_

"Ianto has no sense of humor" Jack thought glumly.


	31. Drought

Written for **tw100**** on LJ**, **Challenge #207 - Drought****  
****Rating: PG**  
Characters: Ianto, Jack  
**Summary: ****Coming back isn't easy for Jack.**

* * *

Coming back always felt bad. He'd gasp awake not knowing where he was or what happened. The disorientation was frightening, the physical pain excruciating.

The burning sensation of his life force spread from his chest to his limbs and finally to his head. His mouth was dry, parched in fact, much like the time he'd been lost in the Boeshane desert for two days.

And then he'd see Ianto. Ianto would hold his hand; whisper to him, and like a quiet stream, the cool water of life quenched the thirst of death and gently floated his soul back to himself.


	32. Don't Toy With Me

Written for **tw100**** on LJ**, **Challenge #208 - Health Care****  
****Rating: G**  
Characters: Owen, Jack, team  
**Summary: ****Why does Jack have to try everything for himself?**

* * *

"Sit still," Owen scolded his patient.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," he mumbled as he readied his forceps.

The rest of the team watched anxiously from the railing overlooking the medical bay.

"Got it," Owen cried triumphantly holding up the item for all to see.

"Ok, show's over, everyone back to work," Jack ordered.

"And next time Ianto tells you about something stupid he did as a child, you don't have to go try it for yourself," Owen admonished Jack.

"Well how was I to know that I wouldn't be able to get the tinkertoy _out_ of my nose?"


	33. Over the Hill & Water Over the Dam

Two companion drabbles -** Over the Hill & Water Over the Dam**  
Written for **tw100 ****Challenge on LJ - Prompt: Over the...****  
****Rating: G**  
**Summary: ****One**** day, two parallel universes**

* * *

**Over the Hill**

He wasn't surprised when he was greeted by the team upon entering the Hub. New faces along with the old. Cake and presents and balloons; they always made him wear a silly hat. He hated celebrating his birthday.

Jack made dinner that night, and remarked that he couldn't understand why Ianto disliked his birthday so much. "You're alive, you're fifty. It sure beats the alternative."

"Sometimes I wonder," Ianto replied as Jack's eyes filled with tears.

Ianto's eyes filled with tears as well. For Tosh and Owen and the many others they'd lost who weren't there to celebrate with them.

**Water Over the Dam**

Cardiff hadn't changed much over the years. Jack trudged up the slope to the where he knew he would find Ianto.

It never failed to shock him. "Ianto Jones. August 19, 1983, – July 9, 2009_. _

_"Didn't even live to see thirty. I never made a fuss about his birthday, but I wish, just once, when everyone was still alive, that we'd had a real celebration. _

Jack smiled. "_He would have hated it of course, but afterwards I would have taken him home, and made it up to him."_

"Happy 50th birthday, Ianto," Jack said before transporting away for another year.


	34. Coup de Grace

**Coup de Grace**  
Written for **tw100**** Challenge #209 on LJ - prompt: Love & Hate****  
****Rating: G**  
**Summary: **Ianto, just after Lisa's death.

* * *

He loved her more than anything. Everything he did was because he loved her. He lied and hid himself from them in the name of love.

She's dead, but he knows she really died long before. He betrayed his friends and put them in danger, all to protect a monster.

He waits for the end. Imprisonment, retcon, execution; he doesn't really care. Let it come. The love of his life is gone. He wants to hate them, but finds he loves them instead. And worst of all, he wants to love her still, but finds only hate in his heart


	35. Power Struggle

**Power Struggle**  
Written for **tw100 ****Challenge #210 on LJ. Rating: G**  
**Summary: ****We're back with alphabet fun with Myfanwy. Unfortunately, the lesson isn't going well today.**

* * *

"I'm not giving you chocolate, if you don't pay attention" Ianto admonished.

Squawk! _(Give me chocolate now!_)

"Why are you being so stubborn?"

Squawk! (_Give chocolate, now_!)

"Maybe you're having an off day. Here, take the chocolate," Ianto sighed tossing her the candy bar.

Myfanwy swallowed the treat, and then pointed to the picture that Ianto had been trying to get her to acknowledge.

"That's right. P is for present. See, you could have had your chocolate a lot sooner if you had just done that in the first place."

Squawk! (_You could finish sooner if you give chocolate first.)_


	36. Storm Clouds Brewing

**Title: Storm Clouds Brewing**  
Written for TW100 Challenge on LJ, prompt: Quiet Before the Storm  
**Rating: G**  
Summary: Set during "Adrift." Jack is angry.

* * *

Ianto brews coffee, quietly waiting for the inevitable confrontation.

Jack is furious. "I can't believe you told her. I explicitly ordered you not to."

"How many times are you going to betray me?"

Ianto winces. That was a low blow and it's found its mark. He turns away with tears in his eyes. "She never would have let it go. Better to tell her the truth than have her find out on her own."

Its Jack's turn to feel regret. He moves behind Ianto and embraces him tightly. "I'm sorry, forgive me." Ianto nods. The Hub is silent once again.


	37. The Day of the Clown

Written for **tw100**** Challeng e****#214 on LJ****- Reverse ****Fandom****-****Sarah ****Jane ****Smith ****Adventures****(Episode****-****The ****Day ****of ****the ****Clown) ****Rating:****G**  
**Summary: ****A ****memorable ****incident ****from ****Ianto's ****childhood.**

* * *

He was seven and for his birthday Tad took them all to the circus. A clown came over to bring Ianto to the center ring for a special surprise. Frightened by all the noise and people, Ianto cried and wouldn't budge from his seat.

Mam implored him, Rhi teased him, Tad yelled at him, but he hid his face and refused to move. The clown moved on gathering other children celebrating their birthdays.

Tad, embarrassed at his 'sissy' son, gave him a hiding when they got home. Ever since, Ianto always hated the circus, and he especially hated the clowns.


	38. Are You My Mother?

Written for **tw100**** Challenge****#214 at LJ****- Reverse ****Fandom****-****Sarah ****Jane ****Smith ****Adventures****(Episode****-****Lost ****Boy)****  
****Rating:****G**  
**Summary: ****Why ****is ****Jack ****so ****disturbed ****by ****Ianto ****trying ****to ****teach ****Myfanwy ****to ****read?**

A/N: "Are you my mother is the name of a classic children's book by P.D. Eastman

* * *

"Time to read Myfanwy a bedtime story," Ianto said as he headed over to her nest.

She'd mastered the alphabet and over two hundred words. Ianto's latest experiment was trying to teach Myfanwy to read.

"Our little girl's growing up so fast," Jack laughed. "What's tonight's exciting tale?"

"Are you my Mother?" Ianto replied.

Suddenly all Jack could think of was a small child in a gas mask looking for his mummy. Memories of The Doctor, Rose and GameStation flashed through his brain. He felt a bit dizzy.

"Everything alright?" Ianto asked.

"Just reminded me of old friends, that's all."


	39. Sticks & Stones

Written for **tw100 ****Challenge #215 on LJ - Prompt:Sticks & Stones****  
****Rating: G**  
**Summary: **Sometimes Myfanwy takes things too literally.

* * *

"Part-time shag."

"Sticks and stones, Owen," Ianto replied walking away.

The next morning Owen called Ianto saying he wouldn't be in.

"I was walking home when suddenly a pile of rock and branches fell on my head. I passed out. Woke up and realized I broke my ankle and must have lost my mobile. Finally was found by a man walking his dog this morning."

"I'll be right over with tea and sympathy for you."

"Thanks Teaboy."

Myfanwy listened with satisfaction.

Squawk_! "That saying is so true! Sticks and stones broke bones but bad words didn't hurt Yanto at all."_


	40. Brave New World

Written for tw100 Challenge #216 - Prompt: New World Rating: G

Summary: Sometimes you have no choice but to take a chance.

* * *

Holding his father's hand, he stepped off the cruiser onto land for the first time.

His parents, desperately escaping the grinding poverty of their home, volunteered for a mission to a new planet. He was born shortly after, a symbol of their faith in the future.

All he could see was sand baking in the hot sun. He wondered how they would survive. He was six years old.

His mother came over holding his new baby brother.

"It's a brave new world," his father said looking at him. "With you, me, mom and Gray, we'll have a wonderful life here."


	41. Stolen

Written for **tw100 ****Challenge****#217 on LJ ****-Prompt: ****Rendition**

**Summary: **Something valuable is stolen from Jack.

* * *

He awoke in a small room. Three moons visible out his window. He was at Time Agency headquarters._ "__How __did __I __get __here?__" _

Groggily he stumbled to the mess hall. The faces were unfamiliar. He sat down at an empty table.

Bored, he activated the table viewer. Cold dread filled him; the year was 5031. No, that couldn't be right.

Realization hit him. Two years gone, stolen. He stumbled from the table. A familiar face, his commanding officer appeared. "Everything alright?"

"Just tired; think I'll go lay down."

As he walked back to his room he began planning his escape.


	42. Taxonomy Lessons

Written for **tw100 ****Challenge****#218 on LJ ****-Prompt: ****Dead****of****Night****  
****Summary: **Beware of the creatures of the night.

* * *

While the residents of Cardiff sleep safely at night, other creatures awaken and play in the dark. Listen closely and you'll hear the scurry of a rat down an alley, the muted laughter from a club, boisterous teens hanging out by the waterfront.

In the park, you'll hear other, stranger noises. The hoot of an owl and the squeak of its prey as it's caught. The snuffle of a weevil looking for food.

Strangest of all, two men laughing. Invisible no matter how hard you look. Jack and Ianto having perfected the art of perception filter, happily play naked hide-and-seek.


	43. Winter Break

Written for **tw100****Challenge****#219 on LJ****-****Escape ****to ****L.A.****  
****Rating:****PG**  
**Summary: **Everyone needs a break once in a while.

* * *

"We could go somewhere warm, like St. Tropez," Jack suggested as he watched the blizzard raging outside.

"Yeah, that'd be nice, but no."

"Why not?"

"I'm Welsh," Ianto huffed. "I'll burn to a crisp."

Jack pouted. "But we need to take a break."

"Besides, I'd go crazy just lying on a beach. Too quiet."

Jack smiled. "I've got the perfect place. We'll go to LA."

"But Jack…"

"It's perfect. Warm, but the smog will prevent you from getting burned. And there's Derby Dolls roller derby and Lucha VaVoom Mexican style wrestling!"

"Add Grauman's Chinese Theater, and you've got a deal."


	44. The Categories of Life

Written for **tw100** Challenge #220 on LJ - The Categories of Life  
Rating: G  
**Summary: Ianto & Myfanwy view life from very different perspectives.**

* * *

"Eukaryota are divided into four Kingdoms."

"Squawk" _(Whatever)._

"Protistsa are one celled organisms. Fungi include mushrooms, Plantae are trees and flowers and Animalia are fish, birds, mammals, even pteranodon's like you," Ianto explained.

Myfanwy preened her feathers, making it clear that she had stopped paying attention. Frustrated, Ianto exited her aerie.

"I think I have hit the limits of her intelligence. She doesn't understand taxonomy at all," he told Jack.

"Squaaaaawk!" _(Yanto's silly. There's only two categories of life. Sheep, bunnies and strawberries are __**nom**__ life. Spinach, petunias and weevils are __**yuck**__ life. Why does he make everything so complicated?)_


	45. Lucky Pierre

Written for **tw100** Challenge #221 on LJ- Prompt: The Middle Men  
Rating: PG-13 for implied sexual situation

**Summary: ****Being ****the ****Middle ****Man ****can ****have ****its ****advantages**

* * *

He woke up surrounded by warmth. It felt blissful to stay in bed for a few minutes enjoying the peace and quiet. Ianto snorted. Who was he kidding? Spooned back against him Jack mumbled as he dreamed; behind him, John was snoring.

He thought he might try to drift back asleep, but the spell was broken as his alarm clock began to buzz persistently. Groaning, he slipped out from between them. He smiled at the two men still mumbling and snoring.

Not for the first time he reflected how much he enjoyed being the middle man in a captain sandwich.


	46. Sleeping Around

Written for **tw100** Challenge #222 on LJ - Prompt: Immortal Sins  
Rating: PG-13 for implied sexual situations

**Summary:****His ****sins ****are ****largely ****forgivable, ****another ****immortal's ****are ****not.**

* * *

He'd danced the horizontal tango across the millennia. Human, alien, tentacles, it didn't much matter.

He'd admit to a few bad choices. The Virgin Princess of Kolarmohaanas; how could know that he'd violated that planet's one unbreakable taboo? Stalin, now that was a doozy. But he'd ended it when he realized exactly who he was dealing with.

John Hart, of course. But the worst of all was the Doctor, his only unrequited love. He'd finally gotten the message when he woke up abandoned on Game Station.

Frankly, a dozen roses and a _'__it__'__s __me, __not __you__'_ memo would have sufficed.


	47. Grateful Dead

Written for **tw100** Challenge #223 on LJ - Prompt: End of the Road. Rating: G  
**Summary: The end of the road is a welcome sight for Jack.**

* * *

He was ready for the end. Having lived and loved and died for billions of years, he longed for it. Had he the strength to recall his adventures, no one would have believed him.

So many memories crammed into his head that he couldn't keep them sorted. That's what he'd been reduced to; a head in a jar being cared for by The Sisters of Plenitude.

He'd said his goodbyes to the Doctor. Gratefully, he glimpsed the end of the road.

_'What a long strange trip it's been,'_ thought the Face of Boe, his eyes closing for the last time.


	48. Christmas Morning Hangover

Written for **tw100** Challenge #224 on LJ - Christmasolstikwanzakah. Rating: G  
**Summary: Sometimes the reason you can't remember what happened the night before isn't what you think.**

* * *

The morning after the Christmas party the Team arrived at the Hub late and hung over. As the cog door opened, they gasped at the sight.

Food and garbage were flung everywhere. The little tree Gwen had decorated was bare. No tinsel, no decorations, no needles.

"I don't remember anything happening," Owen said holding his head. Everyone nodded in agreement.

_'New nest smells nice,_' Myfanwy thought as she snuggled deeper into the pine needles and tinsel she had used.

"Squawk!_" (Merry Christmas. Food and chocolate treats on tree were yum!)_

'_They do love me…' _Myfanwy thought as she drifted asleep.


	49. Memorial

Written for **tw100** Challenge #225 on LJ - Prompt: The Gathering  
Rating: G, Warning: Canon character death  
**Summary: The saddest reason to come together.**

* * *

The gathering was tiny. Ianto, Gwen and Jack were there of course. Rhys had only met her twice, but wanted to attend. Detective Swanson came representing the police and Unit sent an officer out of respect.

There weren't any accolades, just a few stories of her intelligence, courage and dedication. No one would ever know that she was also responsible for saving Cardiff. No key to the city, no plaques in her honor, just a drawer in the Torchwood vault.

Owen received the formal recognition, but it was little recompense for being unable to bring his remains home to them.


	50. Natural Talents

**Natural Talents**  
Written for **tw100** Challenge #226 - Prompt: Blood Line  
Characters: John Hart  
Rating: PG  
Words:100  
Disclaimer: Not mine; Aunty B's and RTD's

**Summary: Certain talents ran in his family.**

He got it from his father, who got it from his father, who probably stole it at knifepoint from some unsuspecting chump.

By six he was an expert pickpocket. At ten he accomplished his first murder-for-hire. By age fourteen he was developing a keen intelligence, an appealing rough charm, along with a handsome face, a killer body, and a sexual repertoire that rivaled the best hookers in the Gamma Quadrant.

His employers knew of his many talents when they hired him. _"Goddess, I love my job,"_ John Hart thought as he entered Time Agency Headquarters to receive his next assignment.


	51. Year of the Torchwood Dragon

Year of the Torchwood Dragon  
Written for **tw100** Challenge #227 - Prompt: Dragons  
Characters: Ianto, Jack  
Rating: PG  
Words:100  
Disclaimer: Not mine; Aunty B's and RTD's

**Summary: Torchwood helps with the annual Chinese New Year Parade**

A/N: The Chinese New Year is celebrated in Cardiff with performances and workshops at the Millennium Centre including lion dances and calligraphy lessons. 

"I'm not sure this was a good idea." Ianto said peering through the crowd.

"It's good PR for Torchwood," Jack replied. "Hey, year of the dragon, and they wanted something special to lead off the parade."

"This is a bit beyond the animatronics you promised."

"Relax, everything will be …" Jack's voice was cut off by a roar from the crowd.

"Goodness, it looks real," someone remarked.

"More like a Welsh dragon than Chinese."

"Tad, that's not a dragon, that's a pteranodon."

"Shut your mouth Tommy, before I smack you. It's a genuine Torchwood dragon."

**"Squawk!"** (_Happy Chinese New Year!_)


	52. That Doesn't Mean What You Think It Mean

Written for **tw100** Challenge #228 on LJ - Prompt: Resolution, Rating: G

**Summary: More word fun with our favorite pter.**

* * *

It started with confusion about the word 'bow.' Ianto said it meant bending forward but Myfanwy thought it was a weapon, or maybe something wrapped around presents.

"One word can have several different meanings," Ianto explained patiently.

"Squawk." _(Stupid idea)_

"Take the word, 'resolution.' It can mean reduction to a simpler form; determination of a course of action; a solution to a problem; or the degree of sharpness of a computer-generated image."

"Squawk!" _(Confusing!)_

"So, you think you understand now?"

"Squawk." (_Yes! I resolutely resolve to increase the resolution of my computer to resolve this quandary_).

"Excellent!

"Squawk." _(Still stupid)_


	53. Sorry About That, Honey

Written for **tw100** Challenge #229 on LJ - Prompt: Honey  
Rating: G

**Summary: Ianto gives too much information to a curious co-worker.**

* * *

"Who ordered ten gallons of calamine lotion?" Owen asked.

"I did," Ianto said snatching the invoice. "Mind your own business."

"Hiding alien killer mosquitoes in the basement are you?"

Fortunately Jack intervened before Ianto choked Owen to death.

"Hey, stop. What's going on?"

Reluctantly Ianto explained. Jack and Owen laughed.

"Last time I explain the source of any food to Myfanwy," Ianto grumbled.

Up in her nest, Myfanwy scratched her wing against one of the many stings she got trying to raid a local bee hive.

"Squawk!" (_Itches! Now I know why Yanto gets his honey from a plastic bear.)_


	54. Idioms from Ianto

Written for **tw100** Challenge #230 on LJ - Prompt: Piece of Cake  
Rating: G

**Summary: More word fun with Ianto & Myfanwy.**

* * *

"An idiom is a group of words established by usage as having a meaning not deducible from those of the individual words," Ianto explained.

"Squawk?"_ (What?)_

"Here's an example. ' It's raining cats and dogs' means it's raining a lot, not that animals are falling from the sky."

"Squawk?"_ (Why would you say it if it wasn't true?)_

Undeterred, Ianto continued, "Here's another example – 'Easy as Pie'. Now making a pie isn't easy, but eating a pie is. The expression means something very easy and pleasant. Do you understand now?"

"Squawk!"_ (No! These idioms are not a piece of cake.)_


	55. Weekend Retreat

**Weekend Retreat**  
Written for **tw100** Challenge #231 on LJ - Prompt: The Women  
Rating: G  
**Summary: The women of Torchwood spend some quality time together.**

* * *

They returned looking well rested from the weekend spa visit Jack had arranged for them.

"Next time, try the bubble bath," Tosh whispered to Gwen.

"I will if we can avoid another mishap," Gwen snarked.

"At least her, uh, nails look nice."

"Let's see how long it takes Ianto to…"

"What the hell!" they heard Ianto shout.

"Not long."

Ianto stormed into the boardroom. "I can live with red painted talons, but why is she blowing bubbles from her mouth?"

"There was some confusion over the chocolate scented bubble bath," Tosh explained.

"Squawk!" (_Spa food bad, no like foamy chocolate!)_


	56. Baptism

Written for **tw100** Challenge #232 on LJ -**Wrong Time, Wrong Place**  
Rating: G  
Summary: Bad timing for one, is good timing for another.

**AN: In my world, everyone's alive and living in Cardiff, (and Rhys knows about Torchwood)**

* * *

"Why today?" Gwen thought glumly.

Against Rhys' judgment as 'too young', Gwen insisted on Ianto being Anwen's Godparent.

Now the Priest was getting impatient after Ianto disappeared with Jack as the ceremony started.

Outside a loud crash was heard, then some shouts, then silence. Rhys groaned imagining what those two were up to. Moments later a disheveled Ianto ran in. "Sorry, had a disagreement with, uh, Janet out back. Everything's sorted now. Jack said not to wait."

"Girlfriends can be such a problem," Rhys said, tears filling his eyes as he realized just what Ianto would sacrifice for their child.


	57. Everyone's Irish on St Patrick's Day

**Everyone's Irish on St Patrick's Day…even in Cardiff**  
Written for **tw100** Challenge #232 on LJ -**Wrong Time, Wrong Place**  
Rating: G  
**Summary: It may be the wrong time or place, but once in a while everything works out fine.**

**A/N: **Featuring the return of Tommy and his Tad (from Chapter 51)

* * *

"I thought you explained to her…"

"I did, but she loves celebrations. Don't worry, Owen has everything under control."

Jack looked at him in disbelief.

"He lost a bet last quiz night, so he's in charge of her today."

The crowd got rowdier as the parade approached. "Look Tad, it's a real leprechaun and an Irish dragon."

"Oi that's either the nastiest leprechaun I've ever seen, or I'm drunk," Tommy's father replied.

Tommy smiled. That leprechaun was nasty, the dragon was beautiful and Tad was drunk. Nothing new there.

"Wish I was drunk," Owen grumbled.

"Squawk!" (_Happy St. Patrick's Day!_)


	58. Yummy Bunny

Written for **tw100**Challenge #233 on LJ - Prompt: Rabbits  
Rating: G  
Summary: Owen shares some yummy bunnies with Myfanwy

* * *

Myfanwy sat by the medical bay, crooning.

"Looks like Owen finally won Myfanwy over."

"Something about bunnies," Tosh whispered.

Gwen was horrified. "He fed her rabbits?"

"Squawk!" (_Bunnies, nom_!)

"Just one more," they heard Owen mutter. "If you get sick, Ianto'll kill me."

Owen threw something that Myfanwy caught in her beak.

"Squawk!" _(Bunny_!)

"Go away now."

Myfanwy did, dropping something on the floor. The team raced over to look.

"Thank goodness."

"I'm relieved."

"What're you gawking at," Owen asked as he entered the main level of the Hub.

"Nothing." They walked away leaving the chocolate Easter bunny wrapper behind.


	59. Peaster Treats

Written for **tw100 **Challenge #234 on LJ - Unloved Prompt - Peaster (Passover/Easter)  
Rating: G  
Summary:You actually can have too much of a good thing.

A/N: Apologies in advance. Sometimes these plot bunnies are uncontrollable.

* * *

"Were you feeding her chocolate covered prunes," Jack asked in disbelief.

"Yes, it's all Gwen and Tosh's fault," Ianto replied.

"What?"

"Owen fed Myfanwy dark chocolate bunnies and became her best friend. Not to be outdone, Gwen fed her a case of dark chocolate covered matzos. Then Tosh fed her two dozen chocolate covered Easter eggs. Real eggs; I could kill them."

"They're just sharing the holidays with Myfanwy."

Ianto glared at Jack.

Okay, not the most nutritious diet, but why all the angst?"

"Have you ever had to deal with a constipated pteranodon?"

"Squawk!" _(I don't feel too good)._


	60. Rescue

**Written for ****tw100 ****Challenge #235 on LJ - Prompt: Water, water everywhere.**  
Rating: G  
**Summary**: Jack needs rescuing.

* * *

It was their weekly trip on the Sea Queen, but they passed Flat Holm, stopping only when there was no land in sight.

Jack stripped naked and jumped overboard. Ianto waited a minute, and then realizing what happened dove in after. Pulling Jack's lifeless body back onboard, Ianto waited for Jack to revive.

"What the hell were you thinking," he asked.

"I can't do this. Immortality, it's too hard."

Ianto held Jack close. "It's okay, I've got you."

"Did you ever feel like you were drowning? Like you didn't know what your purpose was?"

"_Not anymore, I don't,"_ Ianto thought.


	61. Water Fail

**Written for ****tw100 ****Challenge #235 on LJ - Prompt: Water, water everywhere.**  
Rating: G  
**Summary**: Jack, plumbing, you had to expect this.

* * *

"The downstairs neighbors are complaining again," Ianto said.

"What about?"

"Same as last time. Why won't you listen to me?"

"You know that I fixed the Tardis when the Doctor couldn't. I'll not be defeated by a noisy commode."

Ianto groaned in exasperation. "This is the third time you've tried to fix the toilet and the third time you've flooded the neighbor's apartment."

"I'm so close …"

"The plumber will be here shortly. Take this mop and go help clean up the mess you've made. "

"But..."

"Now, Jack. Otherwise you may have to build an Ark to placate them."


	62. Breaking the Number One Don't Rule

**Written for ****tw100****Challenge #238 on LJ - Prompt: Wolf in Sheep's Clothing**  
Rating: G  
**Summary**: Gwen breaks the most important "Don't Rule" with predictable results

* * *

"He's adorable," Gwen said picking up the little furry alien.

"Gwen put that Wiscy down, it's dangerous," Ianto warned.

"Rubbish. Listen, it's purring," she said cuddling it.

Ianto drew his gun. Gwen screamed, whether from the gunshots or the huge pointed teeth the alien displayed as it lunged for her face, Ianto couldn't tell.

**BAM! BAM! **

The alien was killed in mid-attack.

"There's a reason the creature is called a Wiscy." Ianto admonished.

"Wisky? Yeah, I could use a drink," Gwen said, her hands shaking.

"No, Wiscy as in 'Wolf in Sheep's Clothing'. Now let's go get you that drink."

* * *

**The Number One 'Don't Rule': Don't touch anything you don't recognize. **  
Just because its cute and fuzzy, doesn't mean it won't bite your head off.


	63. So Many Questiohns

**Written for ****tw100 ****Challenge #240 on LJ - Prompt: Curiosity Killed the Cat**  
Rating: G  
**Summary**: Like mother, like daughter.

* * *

"Why is the ski blue, Mummy?"

"Uh, because of chemicals in the air," Gwen answered as she made Anwen's lunch.

"But why are there chemicals in the air?"

"It's complicated. Now eat your breakfast; Mummy's got to leave soon."

"But why?"

"Because there are big bad aliens to catch."

"But..."

"Anwen, that's enough," Gwen said more sharply than she intended. "Some things are the way they are, just because."

She picked Anwen up in her arms, giving her a kiss. "Remember, curiosity killed the cat."

Anwen hesitated. "What did the cat want to know," she whispered in Gwen's ear.


	64. Wonderland

**Written for ****tw100****Challenge #241 on LJ - Prompt: The Queen**  
**Summary**: Jack and Ianto end up in a parallel world. Rated G

* * *

"_I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date."_

"Was that a white rabbit that just ran by?"

"Yes. We've transversed the rabbit hole Ianto, to an alternate reality."

'Not what I expected," Ianto replied.

"Everything else looks like our London. There's Buckingham Palace. And no Mad Hatters in sight."

"Look it's the royal carriage; they're celebrating the Queen's Jubilee."

The carriage stopped and the Queen stepped out.

"I don't remember this from the story, Ianto."

"Neither do I. I've got a bad feeling about this."

Looking straight at Jack and Ianto, the Queen cried, "Off with their heads!"


	65. Twinkle, Twinkle Little Sun

**Written for ****tw100 ****Challenge #242 on LJ - Prompt: Sun**  
**Summary**: Ianto teaches Myfanwy about the sun. Rated G

* * *

"The sun is a star, not a planet," Ianto explained.

"Squawk. "_(No, the sun is big like a planet, and it doesn't twinkle),_ Myfanwy replied.

"Our sun looks a lot bigger than a star, but that's only because it's much closer to us."

"Squawk." _(No all really far away; you're making this up.)_

"The sun is what allows life to exist, but it's dangerous for humans to be out in the sun for very long."

Myfanwy pondered this new information as Ianto left for the evening.

"Pffft!" _(Ianto is bonkers. He's definitely been out in the sun too long.)_


	66. The Sky is Falling

**Written for ****tw100 ****Challenge #243 On LJ - Prompt: Henny Penny**  
Rating: G  
**Summary**: Disaster strikes while Ianto babysits for Mica

* * *

"The sky is falling," Mica yelled.

Ianto looked up from the magazine he was reading.

"That's the third time you've gotten out of bed. First you wanted water, then you saw monsters behind the bureau, and now this. I don't want to have to give your parents a bad report when they get home later."

"But it's really falling, come and look."

Ianto sighed, reluctantly following Mica back to her bedroom. She switched on the light. "See, it's falling," she said triumphantly.

"So it is," Ianto replied looking at the solar system map that had come unglued from the ceiling.


	67. Ozymandias

**Written for ****tw100****Challenge #244 on LJ - Reverse Fandom - Beauty & the Beast**  
Rating: G  
0  
**Summary**: The end is near.

* * *

"_My name is Ozymandias, king of kings_," he mused.

"_Well, maybe not exactly. Though I did rule Ochs-Manx for over a thousand years. Unlikely anyone remembers that planet, seeing how its sun burned out tens of millions of years ago._ _Unlikely anyone remembers me at all."_

There's not much to do now but think. It's not like you have a lot of options when you are old and frail.

The cat nurse is as annoyingly cheerful as always. "And how are we this morning, then?" she asks.

"Just dandy," the Face of Boe answers, "_for a head in a jar_."


	68. Olympic sized Failure

**Olympic-Sized Failure**  
**Written for ****tw100**** Challenge #245 on LJ - Prompt: The Olympics**  
Rating: PG  
**Summary**: Another important moment was cut from the opening ceremony at the Olympics.

* * *

"I still think that Wales should have their own Olympic team," Gwen groused.

"Wales certainly did team Great Britain proud in the opening ceremony," Jack remarked.

"Having Myfanwy fly over the team in the parade was an unexpectedly exciting moment," Owen added laughing.

"Too bad those commentators cut to an interview with that 1940s badminton champion during the segment," Tosh snarked.

"Myfanwy seems very disappointed about not being broadcast worldwide," Ianto said.

"Squawk!" (_Why my #ShutUpMattLauer tweet not work?_)

"I'm sure she's fine," Jack said.

"Squawk!" (NBCFail!)

"No, she's not," Ianto said sadly.

Squawk! (_I make new tag #BobCostasMeredithVierrasuck!)_


	69. Playing to Win

**Written for ****tw100**** Challenge #245 on LJ - Prompt: The Olympics**  
Rating: G  
**Summary**: As Bob Costas and Matt Lauer continue their inane commentary, Ianto realizes that something is wrong, very wrong.  
Unadulterated silliness. You've been warned.

* * *

"_In a stunning upset the British basketball team wins the gold medal. Britain continues to lead the medal count with no end in sight."_

"_And have you noticed Bob, every competitor from Wales has, against all odds, medaled in their sport."_

"_Yes Matt, there must be something in those Welsh Rarebits they eat over there."_

"_Maybe it's all the coal they used to mine that's given them such power."_

Ianto sighed and turned off the television. "What did you do, Jack?"

"Me?"

"Drugs that fell through the rift? Enhanced humans? Aliens?"

Jack blushed.

"Jack, what?"

"Slitheens, they owe me one."


	70. Tin Man

**Written for ****tw100**** Challenge #246 on LJ - Prompt: All that Glitters**  
Rating: G  
**Summary**: Jack wakes up on Game Station

* * *

Jack awoke alone amidst the destruction. He called for help in vain. Wandering the levels and finding no one else alive, he realized that he had been abandoned on Game Station. Left for dead or intentionally stranded, he didn't know.

The Time Lord had been his bright, shiny hero that he had followed like a faithful dog. And this, he mused, was his reward.

Staring at a dead Dalek, he realized that his golden opportunity for redemption had yielded nothing but pepper pots made of tin. Still, he set his vortex manipulator for Earth, confident he would find his Doctor.


	71. Sleeping Beauty

**Written for ****tw100**** Challenge #247 on LJ - Prompt: Sleeping Beauty**  
Rating: G  
**Summary**: He's at his wits' ends.

* * *

She screamed until her face turned red. He'd done everything he could think of but nothing seemed to help. There was no backup available; he was on his own as the Team dealt with a downed spacecraft near Pembroke.

Finally she quieted and he gently wiped away her tears. Suddenly she vomited all over his trousers and shoes.

"Great," he muttered. Still, she seemed better, and after cleaning up, they both slept fitfully.

He awoke to find Gwen standing over them. "How's my sleeping beauty?" she said taking Anwen out of Rhys' arms.

"Fantastic. She was no trouble at all."


	72. Bean Stalking

**Written for ****tw100**** Challenge #249 on LJ - Prompt: Jack and the Beanstalk**  
Rating: PG  
**Summary**: Jack has bean stalking down to an art form.

* * *

"Not with Rhys here."

"Come on Ianto, since when are you such a prude?"

Ianto glared at Jack.

"_Blocked by bloody beans," _Jack thought. Smiling, he strolled over to watch Rhys cook.

"Mmmmm, smells delicious," Jack said moving next to Rhys. "I love beans; they're so sexy," Jack said with a predatory smile.

"Well, uh, how about you watching them for a while. I'll go out and hunt for more supplies."

Ianto laughed as he watched Rhys flee the room. "Very smooth."

"That's my patented bean stalking move," Jack snarked, dropping to the floor and pulling Ianto down beside him.


	73. Moonlight Mediation

**Written for ****tw100**** Challenge #250 on LJ - Prompt: Blue Moon**  
Rating: G  
**Summary**: Our favorite pter is back with another vocabulary lesson.

* * *

"The saying, 'once in a blue moon comes from…'

"Squawk!" (_Doesn't exist)_.

"True, but it's an expression," Ianto replied combing his fingers through his hair in frustration.

"Pffft!" (_Stupid expression_).

"A blue moon is the second full moon in a month. This happens rarely, once every few years so we say other rare events happen only…"

"Squawk! Pfft!" (_I get it; once in a blue moon. Still stupid)_.

Ianto sighed. "Fine, call it something else then."

"Squawk!" (_Orange Moon_).

"That makes no sense."

"Squawk!" (_Once in a blue moon, there's an orange moon, so that's what it should be called)._


	74. Old Jokes

**Written for tw100 Challenge #251 on LJ - Prompt: Prehistoric Creatures**  
Rating: G

**Summary**: Aliens made him do it - tell dinasour jokes, that is

* * *

"Why don't you know when a pteranodon is using the bathroom?"

"Jack we've heard that joke already," Gwen said smiling.

"Yeah, he's unchanged," Owen told the team gathered in the medical bay. "Still telling dinosaur jokes. Otherwise, that alien bite seems to have left him unharmed."

"What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars?"

"Shhh Jack, that's enough," Tosh said gently.

"Tyrannosaurus wrecks!"

"Got any caveman jokes?" Ianto snarked.

Jack was silent, deep in thought.

"That's got him stumped," Gwen noted.

"What has two heads, six feet, and a tail?"

"What?"

"A caveman riding a dinosaur," Jack replied triumphantly.


	75. Harvest Time

**Written for tw100 Challenge #252 on LJ - Prompt: Harvest**  
Rating: G

* * *

Every year as autumn approaches, crops are gathered from the fields. In England, wheat and barley, grain maize, sugar beets and rye are harvested for the long winter ahead.

Welsh crops are different. Traditionally, it's mostly grass for forage and root vegetables; though with climate change, new crops like blueberries and fruit trees are being grown successfully.

Still, one ancient harvest goes on in Wales unchanged since before recorded history. In the Brecon Beacons Torchwood discovered this the hard way, but failed to realize that their cannibals weren't the only ones.

Beware; it's time for the harvest to begin anew.


	76. One Small Favor

**Written for tw100 Challenge #253 on LJ - Prompt: Moving Mountains**  
Rating: G  
**Summary**: He just needs a small favor from them - Cross over with Doctor Who

* * *

Captured, Tosh and Ianto were brought before a man who called himself The Master.

"I'm not a monster," Master/Saxon told them. "Perform one task for me and you go free. Of course, there'll be no food or rest for you until you're done."

He led them over to a large salt pile. "Six thousand metric tons. I need you to move it over there," he pointed nearby.

"Eqiupment?" Ianto asked.

The Master handed them each a metal spoon. "I've been told that with a teaspoon and an open mind, anything is possible." He laughed maniacally and walked away.


	77. Do or Die

**Written for tw100 Challenge #255 on LJ - Prompt: Sink or Swim**  
Rating: G  
**Summary**: Ianto's made it into TW3, now what?

* * *

Getting her in had been so easy.

Flirting with Captain Harkness had turned out to be even easier. Pushing guilt away he reasoned, "_It's just for now, it's only for Lisa."_

Keeping her alive had proved far more difficult than he anticipated, but tomorrow Dr. Tanizaki would arrive and make Lisa whole again.

He never dreamed that soon he would face the ultimate test. Kill or be killed. Do or die. Sink or swim. And in his wildest imagination he'd never reckoned that when he sank and hit bottom, Captain Jack would be the one pulling him up to safety.


	78. Freaky Friday Fun

**Written for tw100 Challenge #256 on LJ- Prompt:Freaky Friday**  
Rating: G

* * *

"Owen, that's disgusting!" Gwen cried as she watched him eat.

"What the hell are you eating?" Ianto asked, the smell from Owen's plate hitting his nose.

"Leg of lamb. Raw meat is very good for you," Owen retorted. "It's full of vitamins and nutrients you lose when it's cooked."

"You're making me sick; I'm eating at my desk," Tosh said, picking up her lunch and leaving the conference room.

"Whatever," Owen said crunching a bone.

Up in her aerie, Myfanwy looked through the newspaper lining her nest. "Yes! There's free shots for the ladies at my favorite pub. Party time!"


	79. Switcheroo Zoo

**Written for tw100 Challenge #256 on LJ- Prompt: Freaky Friday**  
Rating: G  
Summary: More body swapping in the Hub!

* * *

"I think Myfanwy and Janet have swapped bodies," Jack told Ianto.

"What makes you think that?"

"Janet refused her monkey chow, but devoured her sheep's head."

"Janet is an omnivore, so that's not unusual."

"But Janet has been flapping her arms all morning."

"Probably a little stir-crazy, being confined to a cell all day," Ianto replied.

"There's one more thing."

"Yes, what is it," Ianto said indulgently while rolling his eyes.

"Myfanwy, come here," Jack yelled.

She flew down and landed beside them.

"Squawk! Squawk!" (_Get me out of this damn boiler suit!_)

"You may have a point," Ianto conceded.


	80. Flippity Flappity Friday

**Written for tw100 Challenge #256 on LJ - Prompt: Freaky Friday**  
Rating: G  
Summary: More body swapping in the Hub! Prequel to Switcheroo Zoo  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.

* * *

"Fla_ppers! Got flappers," she thought. "Go high, find den."_

She searched all day but found nothing. It began to grow dark and she was cold, hungry and alone.

_"Sucks. Go to cage. Be warm. Get noms from young one."_

"Grrrrrrr," _(Lemme out!),_ she fumed.

"Janet, you haven't touched your monkey chow, are you okay?" Ianto asked.

She picked up a biscuit and threw it at the glass.

"Sqwagrrrrr" (_Of course I'm not okay, idjit. Where's my sheep noms_?)

"Squawk!" _(Home!)_

"Thank goodness you're back. Here's some raw sheep!"

"Grrrrrrr!" _(Dammit!)_

Sitting down despondently, she ate a biscuit_. _

"Grrrrr!" _(This sucks._)


	81. Screwed

**Written for tw100 Challenge #257 on LJ - Prompt: Devil & the Deep Blue Sea**  
Rating: G  
Summary: Sometimes there are no good choices.  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.

* * *

His motivation wasn't unselfish, but he never wanted anyone to come to harm. Not real harm anyway.

Grey was broken from his time as a captive, but John believed he could be healed. _And wasn't getting Jack back was worth the risk?_ It was only when they arrived on Earth that John realized Gray was bent on revenge.

If he killed Gray now, Jack would never forgive him. But if he didn't and something terrible happened, Jack would blame him anyway.

He's trapped between an evil maniac and his ex-lover's ocean of guilt. _"Goddess,"_ he cursed.

He's screwed, totally screwed.


	82. Mistakes

**Written for tw100 Challenge #257 on LJ - Prompt: Devil & the Deep Blue Sea**  
Rating: G  
Summary: It was a mistake that lead to more mistakes.  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.

* * *

He couldn't afford to get involved. It always ended badly. He told himself it was just another notch on his belt, but who was he kidding.

The tight suits and quirky smile had attracted his attention, but it was the devilish wit that captured his heart and held him tight.

Heading off together to confront another alien, his subconscious screamed to send Ianto home. He knew his partner would never listen; he'd follow Jack to hell and back.

Looking at the aliens in the liquid tank at Thames House, Jack felt overcome by dread. This was going to end badly.


	83. Chances Are

**Written for tw100 Challenge #258 on LJ - Prompt: Ghost of a Chance**  
Rating: G  
Summary: More word fun with Ianto & Myfanwy  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.

* * *

"The word 'chance' is used in many different expressions," Ianto said, "including fighting chance, chances are, sporting chance, and ghost of a chance."

Myfanwy was very clever, but sometimes the nuances of human language baffled her.

_"__Humans have such strange expressions," _she thought.

She preened her feathers in anxiety which she often did when she didn't understand what her beloved Ianto was trying to tell her.

"Do you understand?"

"Squawk!"_ "Confused. Fighting chance I get. Is sporting chance the odds of winning rugby? And these others…"_

"Can you think of a sentence using 'ghost of a chance'?"

"Squawk!" _(Fat chance)_


	84. Peas & Queues

**Written for tw100 Challenge #259 on LJ- Queues**  
Rating: G  
Summary: More word fun with Myfanwy  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.

* * *

"Myfanwy's been showing up at the bus stop every morning," Gwen said in exasperation. "Even with her wearing a perception filter, commuters are reporting glimpses of a 'monster' to the police."

"I can't reckon why she's doing it," Ianto replied.

He finally understood after hearing Owen admonish Myfanwy as she tried to 'help' him with a dissection.

"Oi, mind your p's and q's, you're messing up my work."

"Squawk!" _ (Everyday I go to bus stop and mind the queue. But no peas, never get any peas._)

_"Oh Myfanwy."_ Ianto thought. _"You try so hard but you are one confused pter._"


	85. A Moneypenny For Your Thoughts

**Written for tw100 Challenge #259 on LJ - Queues**  
Rating: G  
Summary: More word fun with Myfanwy  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.

* * *

Ianto collected the weapons he had provided for the team's mission.

"Stupid parrots," Owen groused. "I opened up the cages and they marched right in."

"Speaking of birds, how's our perplexed pteranodon doing?" Tosh asked.

"Minding her p's and q's," Ianto snarked.

"Good thing, that bus stop was starting to attract too much attention," Gwen said.

Ianto climbed up Myfanwy's aerie to say good night.

"Squawk!" _(You Q)._

"What? Myfanwy, you're still confused," Ianto chided.

"Squawk." _(You are, just like movie)._

"Movie? Oh I see; I provide the team's weapons. Who is James Bond, then?"

Squawk! _("Captain Jack, of course.")_


	86. Q is for Quandary

**Written for tw100 Challenge #259 - Queues**  
Rating: G  
Summary: More word fun with Myfanwy. Myfanwy gets the last word.  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.

* * *

**"**Lets straighten this out once and for all," Ianto told Myfanwy. "Queue is a line you form when you are waiting. A cue is a stick you use to play billiards."

"Squawk." _(Yeah, but there's more.)_

"Really? Alright tell me about the 'more.'"

"Squawk." _(Kung Fu man in film has hair cut in queue.)_

"Well I wouldn't really call that another use…."

"Pffffft!" _(Is so, and there's more.)_

"Really," Ianto said dubiously.

Myfanwy turned away from Ianto.

"Squawk." _(Go away)._

"There, there, don't be angry."

Myfanwy wouldn't respond. Ianto sighed, and climbed down from her aerie.

"Squawk." _(There's Kew Gardens, Idjit)._


	87. Dear Santa

**Dear Santa**  
**Written for tw100 Challenge #263 on LJ - Prompt: Maybe this year**  
Rating: G  
**Summary: Maybe this year she'll get what she wants for Christmas. **  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.

* * *

_Dear Santa:_

_I've been a very good girl this year. I hardly made any trouble._

_For Christmas, I would like movies for my DVD player. Ones with animals and dinosaurs. And The Three Stooges cause they're funny._

_I also want an Easy Bake Oven so I can make my own snacks when I'm hungry._

_Since we don't have a chimbley, I will leave your milk and chocolate cookies by the door._

_Thanx!_

_M._

Jack peered over Ianto's shoulder as he read the list.

"Mica sure wants a lot of stuff this year."

Ianto sighed. "This isn't Mica's list, it's Myfanwy's."


	88. Secret Santa

More Christmas Fun with the Torchwood Team  
**Written for tw100 Challenge #263 on LJ - Prompt: Maybe this year**  
Rating: G  
**Summary: Maybe this year the Secret Santa exchange won't be a disaster. **  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.

* * *

"I want you to take this seriously this year," Gwen said passing around slips of paper. "No bad gifts."

"It's perfect!" Ianto said admiring the red tie.

Tosh loved her silver ring and Owen was pleased with his Glenlivet. Jack laughed at his 'Bowie – Starman' book.

That left Gwen. She excitedly opened her package. "It's a dead mouse!" she yelled. "Damn you Owen that's not funny!"

"I didn't…"

Squawk! _(From me_). Myfanwy flew down near them.

Gwen gingerly picked up the mouse by the tail. "Oh Myfanwy it's a wonderful gift."

Squawk! _(My favorite mousie for you!)_

_And don't worry, Myfanwy got a great big bar of dark chocolate!_


	89. Santa Snack

**Written for tw100 Challenge #264 on LJ - Prompt: Holiday Food**  
Rating: G  
**Summary: Santa finds an unusual treat at the Davies' house**  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.

* * *

"You left _what_ for Santa? Mica asked in disbelief.

"I thought it would make a nice change," Jack replied.

"Uncle Jack, Santa won't leave us any presents," Mica wailed.

David rolled his eyes.

"Now, now," Ianto said, "I'm sure Santa gets tired of milk and cookies!"

After tucking the children in bed, Ianto turned to Jack. "You shouldn't tease her like that. She's only five."

"Who said I was teasing?"

Jack and Ianto soon fell asleep on the sofa. They were awoken by the clatter of hoofs on the roof and a cry of "Ho, Ho, Ho, thanks a latke!"


	90. It's the End of The World As We Know It

**Written for tw100 Challenge #265 - Prompt: Apocalypse**  
Rating: G  
**Summary: It's not the first time Team Torchwood has faced the end. **  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.  
A/N: Some time in the future. Everyone is alive and living happily in Cardiff.

* * *

"Great choice of music," Owen said laughing at the REM song.

"Is this the sixth or seventh time Jack's thrown an end of the world party?" Ianto wondered.

Tosh sighed. "The first one right after Abbadon, he played The Monster Mash."

"The 456 had that counting song from Sesame Street," Gwen reminisced.

"The 2012 Mayan Apocalypse, weren't there Scary Solstice Songs?"

"The drinks are always the same, though."

"A toast," Jack announced.

They raised their glasses. "A shame that Sir Isaac was wrong," Jack said. "Well here's to 2061."

Smiling, the team drank their Zombies like there was no tomorrow.


	91. The Gift That Keeps on Giving

**Written for tw100 Challenge #266 - Unidentified Flying Object**  
Rating: G  
**Summary: Strange objects fall through the rift.**  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.

* * *

Christmas Eve, several strange items fell through the rift.

"It's a can of flitterbrinder dated 5132," Gwen said reading the label.

"Flitter-who?" Ianto asked.

"And it says 'tastes great on twinywinkels.' "

Jack recognized the objects immediately.

"Flitterbrinders are like mushrooms, and twinywinkels are crispy biscuits. They're traditionally eaten on the shortest day of the year whatever planet you're on."

Tosh held up a heavy loaf. "This looks like fruitcake. But surely not in 5132."

Jack examined it carefully. "Fruitcake doesn't exist in the 52nd century. This, however, is from 1984 and apparently re-gifted until it fell through the rift."


	92. Down for the Count

**Written for tw100 Challenge #267 on LJ - Prompt: Starting Over**  
Rating: G  
**Summary: Myfanwy learns to count, sort of.**  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.

* * *

"Pter, Pter." (_Eleventy- ten, eleventy-eleven)._

"What are you doing?" Owen asked as Myfanwy methodically moved each pound note from one side of Ianto's desk to the other.

"Squawk!" (_Busy!)_

"Shh, she's learning to count money," Ianto replied, "and having trouble once she gets past one hundred."

"Stupid idea. What use is it …?"

"SQUAWK!" (_SHADDUP_!)

"Whatever."

Myfanwy stared at the money, flapping her wings in irritation. "Grrgle, pter." (_Damn, lost count_).

She pushed the notes back to one side.

"Useless creature," Owen muttered in disgust and walked away.

"Squawk!" (_Idjit!)_

Myfanwy began counting each note again.

"Pter, Pter," (_Onety-one, onety-two_).


	93. Ask Alice

**Written for tw100 Challenge #268 - White Rabbit**  
Rating: G  
Words: 100  
**Summary: Gwen tells Rhys about her day at work**  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.

A/N: If I'd been in charge, this is the way it would have gone.

* * *

_One pill makes you larger_

_And one pill makes you small_

_But the ones that mother gives you_

_Don't do anything at all. _

Gwen sighed and turned off the radio.

Rhys joined her in the lounge.

"You look tired. Difficult night?"

Gwen shrugged. "The usual. Paperwork, then foot patrol, caught some teens wanking off behind Tesco."

"Lovely."

Gwen smiled. "And there were some people with a glove…"

"Yeah?"

"That's not right, but there was a monster."

"Really?"

"No, that's daft. I really am tired."

"At least you're not seeing aliens."

"Thankfully, not since Dr. Harkness gave me those sleeping pills."


	94. I Haz a Fierce

**Written for tw100** **Challenge #269 - Prompt: There's a Monster at the end of this...**  
Rating: G  
**Summary: Owen does battle with a monster on Ianto's day off.**  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.

* * *

"What happened to you?" Ianto asked noticing Owen's bandaged finger.

"Got bit by a Monster," Owen replied.

Gwen snorted.

"Yeah, he was small but fierce. The havoc he wrecked was terrible. I'm lucky to be alive."

"You are such a big baby, Owen" Gwen retorted.

"Oi, this is the thanks I get. She brings an evil monster into the Hub, asks me to help, and I get bit for my troubles. No sympathy from Jack or Tosh either."

"Where is it?" Ianto asked.

Gwen sighed. "I took him home. Last time I ask Owen to help trim Tiny Cat's claws."


	95. Snow Job

**Written for tw100** **Challenge #270 - Snowflake**  
Rating: G  
**Summary: It's snowing in Cardiff.**  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.

* * *

"Squawk!" (_White stuff! From the sky!)_

"_Why's Myfanwy squawking?"_ Ianto thought.

The cog door rolled open.

"It's snowing outside," Tosh said stamping slush off her boots.

"And you're surprised?" Owen snarked.

"No, but it's perfect for a snowball fight," Tosh answered hitting him with a snowball.

"Oi, you're in trouble now," he yelled as Tosh ran for the exit.

Myfanwy flew down and blocked the door.

"Squawk!" _(Danger!_)

'She's afraid of the snow," Ianto realized. "You are such a special sparkly snowflake, Myfanwy" he teased.

"Squawk!" (_Snowball fight, the Plas, five minutes. We'll see who's a snowflake, Teaboy_), she retorted.


	96. Time Passages

**Written for tw100** **Challenge #271 on LJ - Prompt: Groundhog Day**  
Rating: G  
**Summary:**  
I felt the beat of my mind go, Drifting into time passages, Years go falling in the fading light

Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs

* * *

Wake up, try to breathe, can't breathe.

"_How many times? A hundred, a thousand? _(Almost one hundred thousand, actually)

Inhale earth, dark, nothing.

Wake up, try to breathe, can't breathe.

"_Wonder how long I'm gone. A day, a week?" _ (Twenty-one hours, exactly)

Inhale earth, dark, nothing.

Wake up, try to breathe, can't breathe.

"_How long has it been? Ten years, one hundred years, more?" _(Nearly five hundred years now)

Inhale earth, dark, nothing.

Wake up, try to breathe, can breathe. Gasps in air.

There's light and two women looking down at him. Victorian clothes, stern faces.

"_I'm safe." _ (Wrong again)


	97. Not the Usual Valentine's Day

**Written for tw100** **Challenge #272 on LJ - Prompt: Jump the Gun**

Rating: G

Words: 200 (Double Drabble)

**Summary: Valentine's Day holds an unexpected surprise.**  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs

* * *

She lay in bed not wanting to get up. She and Johnny had a row the night before and he had stormed out and not returned.

"_Guess I won't be getting any valentines this year."_

Suddenly, the door flew open and in marched David and Mica.

"Look Mam, we made you breakfast!" David said proudly.

She surveyed the tray they put on the bed. There was orange juice, four pieces of burnt toast with jam, and a pot of tea.

"I made the toast," Mica said proudly.

"Yes, I see you did," Rhiannon said wiping jam off Mica's face with tissue.

"And we made you a card," David said handing her a slightly sticky envelope.

"What's all this?" Rhiannon asked the children.

"It's Valentine's Day," they said rolling their eyes in unison.

"And you're our favorite Mam," David added.

She kissed them both. She would have liked them to stay, but their bus would outside any minute.

"Off you go," Rhiannon told them, "I'll read your card later."

Inside the envelope she found a lopsided paper heart decorated with glitter, red candy and the words "We love you Mam."

Rhiannon smiled through her tears. "_Better Valentine's Day than I expected."_


	98. Tastes Like Chicken

**Written for tw100 Challenge #274 on LJ - Prompt: Meat**  
Rating: G  
**Summary: Doesn't everything taste like chicken?**  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.

* * *

"Let's see what we've got. How about some Mongolian chicken?" Ianto asked opening a Styrofoam container.

"Squawk." _(Yum.)_

Being trapped with Myfanwy in the Hub during a blizzard had its consolations. At least the refrigerator was getting cleaned out.

"There's a couple of pieces of meat lovers pizza that should be okay," he said tossing the box to her. Myfanwy quickly gobbled it down.  
"Squawk." (_Yum.)_

"This is curried tofu. Tastes like chicken."

"Squawk!" _(Bleh!)_

"Squawk! "Squawk!" "Not meat! You try to poison me!"

"Sorry. How about some chocolate to get that bad taste out of your beak?"

"Squawk!" _(Yum!)_


	99. Scent & Sensibility

**Written for tw100 Challenge #275 on LJ - Prompt: Scent**  
Rating: G  
**Summary: Myfanwy word fun **(you're shocked aren't you)  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.

* * *

"So how things smell are called their scents."

"Squawk!" _(Confused! How many scents in a Euro again?)_

Ianto smiled. Myfanwy was so smart but homonyms always were a challenge.

"This is a different word from the cents in a Euro," he told her writing both words out for her to see. "If you remember that scent has an s just like the word smell and cent has a c which is almost a circle like a coin, you won't get them confused."

Myfanwy scratched the ground as she pondered this explanation.

"Squawk!" _(Stoopid English! That makes no scents at all!)_


	100. Artsy Owen

**Artsy Owen**  
**Written for tw100 Challenge #276 on LJ - Prompt: Sound**  
Rating: G

**Summary: Owen is making funny sounds**  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.

* * *

"What's that noise?" Ianto asked as he came up from the archives.

"It's Owen." Tosh replied rolling her eyes.

"Last week it was Emily Dickinson recitations at lunch and this week it's… what's he singing anyway?"

Ianto moved to the railing above the medical bay. Below Owen twirled as he sang, "The hills are alive, to the sound of music."

Noticing Ianto, Owen stopped for a moment, winked at him and continued singing.

"That's so strange," Ianto told Tosh back at her work station.

"Have you noticed that Owen's been acting strangely ever since his cousin Adam came to visit?"


	101. Bottled Bliss

**Written for tw100 Challenge #277 on LJ - Prompt: Bottled**  
**Summary: You'd make a fortune if you bottled the stuff!**  
Characters: Jack/Ianto  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.

* * *

They lay together in post coital bliss. Ianto chuckled to himself.

"What?" Jack asked frowning.

"Nothing, just the way you smell, it's amazing."

"Yeah, 51st century pheromones and all that."

"Does everyone smell as stimulating as you do? You should bottle it, you'd make a fortune."

Jack smiled. "Check out archive Section 134, third storage bin."

Later, Ianto sought out the specified location. Back in a dusty corner were bins marked 'unidentified harmless(?) artifacts.'

Opening the third bin he inspected the bottle inside labeled: 

_'Eau de Boe.  
From the famous Face of Boe,  
a scent guaranteed to drive them wild.'_


	102. Message in a Bottle

**Written for tw100 Challenge #277 on LJ- Prompt: Bottled**  
Rating:G  
**Summary: How do you survive a shipwreck?**  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.

* * *

He found the note in the kitchen. Written hurriedly, he'd know the handwriting anywhere:

_"…No matter what…don't go….And don't ever ask me about this..."_

***  
Their situation was desperate. Jack was strangely cold, like he was emotionally detaching from them.

"Ianto you're with me."

"Sorry sir, busy."

"What? Fine, Gwen you come instead."

"No! She's needed here."

Jack stared at Ianto, nodded, then turned on his heal and walked out.

"Ianto, we can't let him go alone."

Ianto grabbed Gwen and held her close.

"We can't go, don't ask."

Later...

"Thames House. How?" she whispered.

"Message in a bottle," he replied.


	103. Queen of the Nile

**Written for tw100 Challenge #278 on LJ - Prompt: Women's HIstory**  
Rating:G  
**Summary: Jack's not the only one who met the Queen of the Nile**  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.

* * *

"I met Cleopatra once while traveling with the Doctor."

"And you slept with her of course," Ianto said unperturbed.

"I would have, but I couldn't get rid of Mark Antony. Timey-wimey changes, the Doctor forbade that sort of thing."

"I'll have you know that I met Cleopatra too," Ianto said smiling.

"You're lying."

"Totally true and I slept with her as well. And I have a witness to prove it."

"Liar."

"Gwen," Ianto shouted across the Hub, "didn't I just sleep with Cleopatra?"

"Yes. But where did you hide her treats? You'll need them when you cat sit next week."


	104. Babi Amentet

**Written for tw100 Challenge #278 on - Prompt: Women's HIstory**  
Rating: PG-13  
**Summary: Torchwood attends an ancient Egyptian costume party **  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.

A/N: A tawdry bit of word play.

* * *

The Ancient Egyptian party was winding down. Jack had dressed as Osiris, Ianto as Tutankhamen, Tosh as Isis, and Rhys as Akhenatan. Gwen wore a now lopsided royal headdress.

"I'm going to be sick," Rhys said as the room spun. Next to him, Horus Owen had passed out.

" Gwennnn, Ifff nevvgfer theen lovvy nnevtiti," Ianto said slurring his words.

Outraged, Gwen slapped him. "Oi, you never have seen my lovely titties, and you never will!"

Everyone snickered.

Rhys choked on his wine. "Gwen, he said he'd never seen a lovelier Nefertiti."

"Yeah? Give us a kiss then, boy king."


	105. Love Triangle

**Written for tw100 Challenge #279 on LJ - Prompt: Triangular**  
Characters: Ianto, Jack, Gwen  
Rating: G  
**Summary: Ianto is angry at Jack's lack of commitment.**  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.

* * *

"Once and for all, you need to make up your mind."

The door slammed as the speaker stormed out of the pub.

"What's going on?" Gwen asked when she returned from the loo. "Where's Ianto?"

Jack looked at her, hoping for understanding. "He seems to think there's something going on. You know, like a love triangle."

"What did you do Jack Harkness?" she asked, her voice lowering with a threatening tone.

"Nothing, I didn't do anything to make him jealous," Jack retorted.

"You were staring at that stupid hand in the jar again weren't you?"

"Yeah, I guess I was."


	106. From the Right Angle It's Not Obtuse

**Written for tw100 Challenge #279 on LJ- Triangular**  
Characters: Team  
Rating: G  
**Summary: Someone touches something they shouldn't. Predictable crack ensues.**  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.

* * *

She stared at the triangular gem changing colors.

_"Must not touch."_

It beeped.

_"No touch."_

Finally, it slid over the desk's edge. The falling gem flashed brightly when she grabbed it. She looked down and realized she had a serious problem.

_"Uh Oh."_

_***_  
The team entered the Hub, astonished to find a young woman wearing Gwen's clothes, sitting at Tosh's desk. They drew their weapons, but Ianto motioned them to stop.

"Let me talk to her. She seems familiar."

He ran to the intruder and they spoke. Finally, Ianto turned to the team.

"She says her name's Myfanwy."

"Squawk!" _(Sorry)_


	107. An Alien to Dye For

Written for tw100 Challenge #280 on LJ- Bad Advice  
Characters: Gwen, Jack,Team  
Rating: G  
Summary: Gwen listens to Jack for once. Really bad stuff happens.  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.

* * *

"I'll kill him", Gwen shouted rushing into the Hub.

"What happened?" Ianto asked stymieing a laugh.

"I'll tell you what happened! Bloody Jack Harkness happened!"

Owen couldn't help snickering. "Oh, that's uh, spectacular. "

" 'Pet the cute little alien hedgehog,' he said, 'it won't hurt you.' I'm going to kill him, and then you." She stomped off to the showers.

Jack appeared a few moments later.

"Jack, how could you?" Tosh admonished.

"What? It's just purple dye that the creature releases when it's upset. It'll wash off."

He walked toward his office.

"In a week or two."

"Maybe," he whispered.


	108. Butterflies are Free

**Written for tw100 Challenge #281 on LJ- Prompt: **Lepidoptera  
Continuation of drabble #106 - From the Right Angle It's Not Obtuse  
**Summary: Some team members admire nature.**  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.

She admired the butterflies that flitted around the meadow.

"I never could see them all that well before."

"I thought your species would have had keen eyesight for hunting."

"Not for small things. Big items like prey animals, yes, but beautiful creatures like these were just a blur."

"We'll have to change you back eventually, but I can't say I'm unhappy about this accident. I feel like I'm really getting to know you and explore your full potential."

"You've been so good to me," she said smiling at Ianto. Her grin widened as a small bright blue butterfly landed on her hand.

"That's a Purple Hairstreaked, Latin name is _Neozephyrus quercus_. They're very rare in Wales."

Before Ianto could stop her, she popped the butterfly in her mouth and swallowed it whole.

"They're delicious," she cried.

Ianto pulled a small note pad out of his pocket. "Just adding table manners to the list of things I need to teach you."

She looked at him in embarrassment. "I was supposed to chew it first, wasn't I?"

"Uh, not exactly." Seeing her still looking glum, he added, "It's okay Myfanwy. You're really doing well for someone who was a pteranodon last week."


	109. There's No Such Thing As a Free Lunch

Not a true drabble but continues the story started in drabbles #106 & 108. This won't make sense unless you've read this.  
Characters: Owen, Ianto, Myfanwy  
**Summary: Owen treats Myfany for an upset tummy **  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.

* * *

"You'll be fine, just be careful what you eat in the future," Owen said patting her on the shoulder.

"I'm sorry to be such a bother; I didn't think," Myfanwy replied.

"Happens to the best of us; happened to me once or twice."

"Really?" she said brightening, "Well that's alright then."

"Now, I need to speak to your Uncle Ianto. Go lie down for a bit, you've had an exciting day."

"I did," she told him, "I saw so many things up close for the first time, it was amazing." She practically skipped up the stairs from Owen's area and over to the room they had set up for her.

Ianto descended into the surgical theater. "Will the patient live?"

"Yeah, but you're going to have to keep a much closer watch on her."

"I know, she downed that butterfly before I even realized what she was doing."

"You were lucky. The mild poison on their wings makes birds that eat them violently ill. Fortunately, a little nausea is the only result this time. And like the birds, I think she's learned not to try to eat random things."

"I owe you one," Ianto told him.

"Indeed you do. A one-er to be precise."

"That's rubbish. I'm not paying you a hundred pounds for treating Myfanwy."

"Let's see, I come in on my day off, save you from a trip to hospital where you'd be pressed to explain where her NHS card was, and you begrudge me a little pocket change. I think I may have to raise my prices for difficult customers like you."

Disgusted, Ianto pulled out his wallet and handed Owen the money. "Whoever said butterflies are free never met you, mate."

"The little buggers are free; it's the aftercare that'll cost you."

A shriek came from the main area of the Hub. Ianto and Owen climbed up to find Myfanwy holding a mouse by its tail and Gwen standing on top of her work station.

"Get that thing away from me," Gwen yelled.

Myfanwy looked genuinely confused. "So I'm asking first, right? Can I have this for lunch?"

Owen slapped Ianto on the back. "Have fun," he told Ianto as he hit the switch to activate the cog doors. The noise drowned out Ianto's reply but heard Myfanwy's indignant response.

"But I want to eat it. You eat animals, so why not?"

Owen laughed and shook his head. He hoped Tosh would find a way to change Myfanwy back soon. But until then, he reckoned he was going to be making a fair bit of cash on the side. And Ianto was going to be driven even crazier than usual. This was turning out to be a most excellent accident.


	110. Parenting for Dummies

**Written for tw100 Challenge #282 on LJ - Prompt:Parents**  
Rating: PG  
**Summary: Ianto has a lot to learn about being a parent. **  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.

Continues the "Human Myfanwy" stories from drabbles 106,108, & 109

* * *

"Some Taddy you are." Owen mocked.

"I couldn't know she'd do that." Ianto snapped.

"She's, what, about twenty. How could you not?"

"Not everyone's mind is in the gutter."

"Oi, considering you and Jack, I'm surprised it's anywhere else."

"What's going on?" Jack asked overhearing Owen.

"Ianto didn't anticipate Myfanwy picking up men."

"He thinks of his 'daughter' as innocent."

"Let's just hope Ianto doesn't become a grandtaddy," Owen snarked.

"Not funny," Ianto retorted as he left the medical bay.

"Fortunately, you weren't so naïve," Owen said with undisguised admiration. "Insisting on her getting a Depo-Povera shot was pure genius."


	111. Inherited Traits

Written for tw100 Challenge #283 - Out of the Frying Pan & Into the Fire; Rating: PG

Summary: Myfanwy wants to experience everything human while she has the chance.  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.

Part 5 of the 'Human Myfanwy' series.

* * *

"You're not still angry about us taking precautions with Myfanwy's fertility?" Jack asked Ianto at lunch.

"I'm not thrilled, but given her behavior it's probably for the best," Ianto replied.

"Gwen's explained safe sex to her and I've covered the dangers of using drugs, so we shouldn't have any more problems," Tosh added.

They continued eating when Gwen's mobile rang. "I see, right Andy, I'll let him know."

"What's happened? It's Myfanwy, isn't it? Is she hurt?"

"No, but Andy has her at the station."

"Is it serious?" Jack asked.

"She got caught shoplifting."

"Like father, like daughter," Owen snarked.


	112. Rosemary & Pansies

**Written for tw100 Challenge #284 on LJ - Prompt: Floriography**  
Characters: Team, Human Myfanwy  
**Summary: Another game night. Someone is a poor loser.**  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.

Part 6 of the 'Human Myfanwy' series

* * *

"There's rosemary, that's for remembrance; …and there is pansies, that's for thoughts."

Gwen scowled. "Famous quotes is a rubbish game."

"You agreed when I suggested it," Tosh replied.

"I reckoned it would be things like, 'It's bigger on the inside' or 'Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.' "

Ianto groaned. Gwen sneered.

"Teaboy obviously knows the quote. What about you?" she asked Owen.

"It's Shakespeare. Hamlet."

"Humph. Bet Myfanwy doesn't know."

"It's Ophelia's mad scene. Act four, scene five," Myfanwy replied.

Gwen stormed from the room.

"I've done it again, haven't I?" Myfanwy cried.

"You're fine Myfanwy, don't worry," Jack said laughing.


	113. Chitter, Chitter, Bang, Bang

**Written for tw100 Challenge #288 on LJ - Reverse Fandom (Last of the Summer Wine)***  
Characters: Tosh, Ianto, Myfanwy  
Rating: G  
**Summary: Myfanwy makes a big decision**  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.

Chapter 7 in the 'Human Myfanwy Verse'

*Episode title at the end of the drabble so as not to give anything away.

* * *

Ianto was surprised when, given the choice, Myfanwy opted to be turned back into a pteranodon. He couldn't really fault her reasoning.

"Being human is too complicated. Finding a mate is so hard. Yeah, the shagging is great, but I can't deal with the rejection and stuff."

Tosh had fixed the transformer and Ianto watched as Myfanwy touched the pulsing triangular gem. Suddenly Myfanwy was enveloped in smoke.

"_That can't be good," _Ianto thought.

The smoke cleared. Ianto gasped.

"Chitter!"_ (What have you done!)_

"Oh dear," Tosh said looking horrified.

"Chitter! Chitter!" (_Idjets! You've turned me into a bloody ferret!_)

***  
Episode Title: The Day of the Welsh Ferret


	114. A Short Introduction to Cooper's Rules

**Written for tw100 Challenge #288 on LJ - Reverse Fandom (Last of the Summer Wine) Episode is the Title above**  
Characters: Ianto, Gwen (mentioned)  
Rating: G  
**Summary: Ianto makes an amusing discovery.**  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs.

* * *

He found it when Gwen was on maternity leave with her third child. Ianto squinted at the almost illegible scrawls on the paper:

_**New Rules for the Hub – January 2007**_

**_Owen - no ratty clothes, it looks unprofessional._**

**_Ianto - no suits, they make me look unprofessional._**

_**Tosh - no old boots, they make us look unfashionable.**_

**_When I'm in charge, we'll look the part of a secret organization._**

Ianto chuckled and tucked the paper back into her desk.

"_Good thing Owen was in charge. Otherwise we'd have been fashionably early...to our own funerals. Fifteen years sure makes a difference."_


	115. Destiny & Six Bananas

**Written for tw100 Challenge #288 on LJ- Reverse Fandom (Last of the Summer Wine)**  
Characters: Ianto, Tosh, Owen, mentions of Jack  
Rating: G  
**Summary: You can't fight destiny**  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs

* * *

Ianto was tidying the Tourist Office when Tosh arrived.

"I thought you'd be more upset about Jack leaving," she said

"I'm sure it's something important."

"But he told us he came back for you and then disappeared. And he took the hand with him."

Ianto shrugged, picked up two peels and dropped them in the bin.

Owen entered the office. "Found four more on the Plas," he said showing the others.

"What's with the banana peels?" Tosh asked.

"Obviously, Jack's with the Doctor. Not that I mind, but I wish he'd take all his garbage with him in the Tardis."


	116. Drama Llama

**Written for tw100 Challenge #289 on LJ - Baby Names**  
Characters: Gwen, Ianto, Tosh  
Rating: G  
**Summary: Sometimes a baby's name is obvious.**  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs

Chapter 8 of the 'Human Myfanwy Stories. Continues on from Chitter, Chitter, Bang, Bang

* * *

Gwen gaped when she entered the Hub and saw the baby animal by Tosh's desk.

"Oh, that's the cutest llama ever," she yelled running to hug the creature.

"It's a vicuna, actually," Tosh replied barely looking away from her computer.

"Where did you find it? Is it an alien?"

"Not an alien, not really," Ianto said as he came out from the kitchen with a warmed bottle.

Gwen grabbed the bottle and started to feed the hungry baby.

"What are we going to name it?"

Ianto laughed. "That's easy. She's Myfanwy."

"Tosh, you didn't!" Gwen cried.

Tosh sighed. "Afraid so."


	117. Lunch Run

**Written for tw100 Challenge #291 on LJ - Prompt: On the Run**  
Characters: Ianto  
Rating: G  
Words: 100  
**Summary: He's the hardest working man in Cardiff**  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs

* * *

"Ianto Jones must be the hardest working man in Cardiff," Mrs. McKenzie said watching him run to the SUV, a package tucked under his arm.

"Not a slacker like those others," Mrs. Donovan replied.

"All that captain does is flirt."

"And those girls, always yelling 'Torchwood,' like they're the secret police."

"Well there goes Jones; at least with him around, I feel safe from whatever they are protecting us from."

***

"I'm back," Ianto yelled entering the Hub. "I've got Thai for Jack and Tosh, and Sushi for Gwen Owen and me. Not to mention a new Sumatran coffee to try."


	118. Green Around the Gills

**Part 9 of the "Human Myfanwy" Stories. **

**Written for tw100 Challenge #293 on LJ - Prompt: Going Green**  
Characters: Team, Myfanwy  
Rating: G  
Words: 100  
**Summary: Tosh tries to turn Myfanwy back into her original form**  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs

* * *

They nervously waited for the smoke to clear. Everyone applauded as a pteranodon shaped creature emerged. Tosh sighed with relief.

Owen snorted.

Gwen giggled nervously.

Ianto put a comforting arm around Tosh. "It's okay."

"What?" Tosh replied. "She's fine."

"Not quite, you're a, uh, shade off."

"That's not funny," Tosh cried storming from the Hub.

"Is she...?"

"Yeah, Tosh is colorblind," Owen answered.

"Does Myfanwy care?" Gwen asked.

They turned to see Myfanwy admiring her reflection in the water tower.

Squawk! Squawk! _(I'm a Welsh Dragon. Green is my color.)_

"Apparently not. Mission accomplished," Jack laughed. "Let's go get Tosh."


	119. Perspective

Written for tw100 Challenge #296 on LJ - Prompt: Autumn In Cardiff  
Characters: Ianto, Jack, Gwen  
Rating: G  
Words: 200  
Summary: Life is often a matter of perspective

* * *

"You're quiet today."

"Just thinking, another year almost done."

"It's only October."

"After Canary Warf, I realized how little time there really is."

"There's a cheery outlook."

"It's true though. Spring is like being young. Everything is fresh and new with all your possibilities ahead. Summer is when you realize some of your dreams."

"You're still in your summer Ianto."

"Then autumn approaches and in some ways it's worse than winter."

"Winter is cold and miserable, how can you say autumn is worse?"

"Because you know what to expect in winter, autumn is when your hopes for one more sunny day are dashed to pieces."

Jack didn't know what to say. Fortunately, they were interrupted by Gwen entering Jack's office.

"What's going on?"

"Ianto's thinking about autumn."

"Yeah? Did you feel that crisp air this morning? I love autumn. The leaves change color, the light is soft and beautiful at dusk, there's new woolens, logs burning in the fireplace and, best of all, Irish coffee."

Ianto huffed.

"Oi Mr. Gloom and Doom, go make coffee and I'll get the bottle of whiskey that Owen has stashed in his desk."

Ianto nodded and left.

"Thanks Gwen," Jack said.

"Whatever for?"

"Perspective."


	120. Perception and a Matter of Acorns

**Written for tw100 Challenge #296 - Autumn In Cardiff**  
Characters: Owen, Ianto, Gwen, Tosh  
Rating: G  
Words: 200  
**Summary: Life is often a matter of perception**  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs

Continues on from previous drabble, Perspective

* * *

"I hate autumn," Owen yelled storming into the Hub.

"Another Gloomy Gus," Gwen said before sipping her coffee.

Owen stopped and sniffed. "What are you drinking?"

"Irish Coffee," Tosh replied.

"I could use one of those."

"Coming right up," Ianto said heading for the kitchen.

"Will someone tell me what's going on?" Owen asked.

"Ianto was feeling down about summer being over," Gwen replied.

"At least he wasn't pelted with acorns this morning."

"What?"

"Every few steps an acorn would hit me on the head."

Tosh rolled her eyes. "Did you do anything to make the trees angry?"

"Are you daft?" Owen replied gulping down his coffee. "I hate autumn and I hate squirrels. And you know what? I need something stronger than this," he said handing the mug to Ianto. "I'm out of here," Owen said storming back out the cog door.

"That's very strange. You think Owen is okay," Gwen asked.

"He's fine," Tosh replied. "But Ianto needs to talk with Myfanwy. She's been using her perception filter without authorization. First it was teasing Weevils during their mating rituals, now it's acorns and Owen."

Ianto sighed. "Changing back into a pteranodon is harder for her than we thought."


	121. A Blast From the Past

Written for tw100 Challenge #297 on LJ- Prompt:Seconds

Characters: Jack, Tosh

Rating: G

Words: 100

Summary: Some things never change

Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs

* * *

"Panamar blaster still not working?" Jack asked.

"I've spent hours fiddling, and it still won't fire straight," Tosh replied.

"Let me look," Jack said taking the weapon. "The scope is from an earlier model, most people wouldn't notice."

"Would it have ever worked?"

Jack smiled. "Probably faked the demo."

"Wouldn't the buyer return it?" "See those symbols on the grip?" The _wfp992_, stands, for stands for Bio Blasters, Best Refurbished Seconds, All Sales Final. Their kiosks were in trans-galactic space ports. By the time their customers would realize the blaster didn't work, they'd be light years away."

"Not to mention dead."

"That too."


	122. A Vintage Friendship

Written for tw100 Challenge #298 on LJ- Prompt: In Vino Veritas

Rating: G

Words: 100

Summary: Old friends share some memories.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs

* * *

Their spouses gone for the weekend, they shared a bottle of wine. And then a second one as well.

"I didn't like you at first. Thought you were stuck up, with your suits and all."

"I was so jealous of you, always getting your way with Jack."

"Thought I'd steal him from you."

"No!"

"I was obsessed with you two."

"Just for that, I'm seducing Rhys."

"You wouldn't! What about Jack?"

"He'd want to join in."

"Could I watch?"

"Don't see why not."

"See that's why I like you. You're so sweet," she said before passing out on the sofa.


	123. Mica-I-Am

**Written for ****tw100****Challenge #299 on LJ- Prompt: Green Eggs & Ham **  
Characters: Mica, Ianto, Rhiannon  
Rating: G  
Words: 500 (pehaps we should call this a ficlet)  
**Summary: Mica's creative muse works overtime.**  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs

* * *

Ianto was surprised when only his sister met him at her front door. "I finally made it for Sunday dinner. Where are the kids and Johnny?"

"David's playing football with his mates, Johnny's at the pub and Mica's sulking in the lounge. Something at school, not that she'd tell me. Teens," Rhiannon said shaking her head, "everything is big drama with them."

"Maybe you can find out what's going on, while I see to dinner," she said as she left for the kitchen.

"So," Ianto said sitting down on the sofa next to Mica. "How's your school going?"

"Did Mam put you up to this?"

"No, I don't get to see you very often so we have a lot to catch up on."

"Yeah, well I hate school, and I hate my teachers."

"But you've always been such a good student."

Mica scowled. "So I had this assignment, okay? I was supposed to write a composition in the style of a well-known author. My teacher did not like it. She said it was too innovative and avant-garde."

"Mind if I take a look?"

Mica reached into her backpack and pulled out a several sheets of paper. Handing them to Ianto, she crossed her arms staring at him defiantly. Ianto began to read:

_Do you eat mint sauce and lamb?_  
_I do not eat them Mica-I-am___

_Would you eat them here or there?__  
__I would not eat them anywhere.___

_I would not eat mint sauce and lamb__  
__I would not eat them Mica-I-am___

_Would you eat them up in Splott?__  
__Would you eat them on the go?_

….

Ianto continued to read, finally arriving at the last page:

_I would not eat them with a Weevil__  
__The taste I find is purely evil___

_I would not eat them for my supper__  
__If I did I'd chuck them upper___

_I would not eat them by duress__  
__I would not eat them nude or dressed___

_I would not eat them up in Splott__  
__I would not eat them on the go___

_I would not eat them here or there__  
__I would not eat them anywhere___

_I would not eat mint sauce and lamb__  
__I would not eat them Mica-I-am___

_Coda:___

_I would not eat to be contrarian__  
__I would not 'cause I'm vegetarian_

"Well I think it's a very creative interpretation of Theodor Geisel's story," Ianto said holding back a smile.

"Yeah, well my teacher said I should have written something after Shakespeare or Donne."

"You probably should have if you wanted to please her. You remind me of someone else at your age."

"You, of course."

"Actually your Mam. She got in big trouble for painting a mural on the school walls during her year ten"

"No!"

"Don't you tell her I told you."

"Tell me what?" Rhiannon said walking into the lounge.

"Nothing," Mica said getting up and leaving the room.

"Still sulking, I see," Rhiannon surmised.

"She's fine. Just a little creative frustration. Runs in the family, as you know."


	124. The Road Less Traveled

**Written for ****tw100****Challenge #301 on LJ - Prompt: Frost**  
Characters: Jack, Ianto  
Rating: G  
Words: 100  
**Summary: Traveling through time and space can be lonely **  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Aunty B's and RTDs

* * *

They danced slowly, swaying to Nat King Cole's timeless lyrics.

"Always liked Jack Frost," Jack teased

"Nipped at your nose, has he?"

"Did I tell you about David Frost."

"Jack stop, you're ruining the atmosphere."

"Honestly, there's one Frost that I think about when we're together."

Jack pulled Ianto closer whispering,

_'__I shall be telling this with a sigh  
Somewhere ages and ages hence:  
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—  
I took the one less traveled by,  
And that has made all the difference.'*_

"I'm glad that road led to you, Ianto."

"Happy Christmas, Jack," Ianto whispered back.

-**From Robert Frost's _The Road Not Taken_.


End file.
